where everythink is in its own place

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.

2008-01-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

YAYYYYYYYYYYYY I just got to row today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But it wasn't with Gid Jnr :C
Oh well, guess you can't have your boat and row it too! :D

Anw, I went and got a new journal :) It's an LJ this time so I can hide entries and stuff if I feel the need.

Do drop by and say Hi from time to time! I know it's more troublesome to comment on LJ than simply tagging but you know I'll doubly appreciate the effort you took :D
Or if I can, I'll try to install a tagboard :)

Goodbye now : )
You've known my laughters, my loves, my pain and my tears.
You've known me best of all.
And now as I move on from this chapter of my life to The Big Unknown,
I take comfort in knowing that my cherished memories are resting in a little corner of the cyberspace,
Waiting for the day when I can come back here with a smile,
And be able to laugh at even the most painful memories.

2007-12-30T20:58:00.000+08:00

I have this document on my desktop now which reads Bostonsupp.wps sounds like a cool name right? Wrong it's a piece of shit I've been working on for 3 hours straight and HAVE NOT SEEN THE TAIL OF IT!!! Grr uni apps want my life.

2007-12-30T19:41:00.000+08:00

Arghhhh I'm going crazy with the uni app supplements!!

And I kinda regret not applying anywhere ED. 'Cause I keep seeing XXX 2012 groups everywhere on Facebook.

BOOOOOHOO.

2007-12-29T19:28:00.000+08:00

I very lazy to post abt my trip :}
But here's a very very very interesting video:

HMMMMM.

My Very Own EOY Sale!

2007-12-29T15:13:00.000+08:00

If you're interested in any of these items, please SMS me or leave a tag! :)

*Most prices negotiable.

GP:
GP Matters Volume 1
Description: "A complete GP course". RECOMMENDED BY MR. PURVIS (RJC Humanities tutor) as it was written by his trusted friend, Mr. Robert Wilks. Contents divided into topics (see below) and each chapter comes with readings (very useful!!), skill-focused exercises, language-focused exercise, etc.
Contents: Superstition, Medical Developments - Moral Dilemmas, Terrorism, United Nations - Divided Notions, Drugs, Creativity, Civilising the Natives, Pollution, Rocking the (Gender) Roles, War, High Tech Babies, Television, The English Language, Prejudice and Discrimination, Aids - Everybody's Problem, Animal Rights - Human Wrongs.
Condition: Some highlighting and minor scribbling, otherwise untouched, book very much intact.
Original price: $15.00
Selling for: $9 *Buy GP Matters Vol 1 & 2 together for $18!

GP Matters Volume 2
Description: "A complete GP course". RECOMMENDED BY MR. PURVIS (RJC Humanities tutor) as it was written by his trusted friend, Mr. Robert Wilks. Contents divided into topics (see below) and each chapter comes with readings (very useful!!), skill-focused exercises, language-focused exercise, etc.
Contents: English Language Quiz, Alcoholism, Designer Genes, Euthanasia, Customary Courtesy, Follow the Leader, Natural Concerns - Ecology, Sense and Censorbility, The Uses of Language, Human Rights, Logical Thinking, But is it Art?, Philosophy, Artificial Intelligence, A Point of View, Advertising, Cultural Imperialism - The American, The GP Examination - Information and Advice
Condition: Minor highlighting, otherwise clean, book very much intact.
Original price: $15.00
Selling for: $10 *Buy GP Matters Vols 1 & 2 together for $18!

Literature:
Literary Terms and Criticism
Description: "practical guide to the study of English literature", both a comprehensive dictionary of literary terms (divided into categories, see below under 'Contents') and a critical handbook on how to approach texts and authors
Contents: English, American and postcolonial literature: a brief survey; Poetry; Drama; The novel; Critical concepts; Critical positions and perspectives
Condition: Very minor highlighting (1 page), otherwise clean, book very much intact.
Original price: $34.60
Selling for: $24

Economics:
Challenging Economics Essays
Description: Very useful book!!! Model essays to "frequently examined questions" with note-worthy comments on the questions. Essays come with easy to remember supporting evidences.
Contents: The Central Problem of Economics, Production and Cost, Price and Output Determination, The Labour Market, National Income, Theory of Income Determination, Money and the Price Level, International Trade, The Economic Role of Government.
Condition: ABSOLUTELY BRAND NEW! Clean and Crisp. Completely untouched cos it's an extra copy.
Original price: $13.90
Selling for: $13

New 101 Economics Essays by Patrick Lim
Description: Model essays to questions culled from several decades of GCE A Level examinations.
Contents: Central Problems of Economics, Theory of Demand, Theory of Supply, Price and Output Determination, Theory of Income Distribution, National Income Accounting, Theory of Income Determination, Money and Prices, International Trade, Role of Government, Economics of Development
Condition: BRAND NEW! Completely untouched.
Original price: $10
Selling for: $9

Economics Essays (With Singapore Perspectives, Data and Examples) by PJ Pearly
Description: Model essays to questions culled from several decades of GCE A Level examinations.
Contents: Scarcity, choice and resource allocation; Resource allocation in competitive markets; Firms and how they operate; Market failure; Government intervention in the market; Key economic indicators; How the macroeconomy works; International economy
Condition: Minor highlighting (1 page), otherwise clean, book very much intact.
Original price: $8.60
Selling for: $6.50

A Level Learn-by-Example for H1 & H2 by Thomas Bond and Chris Hughes
Description: Complete solutions and explanations to fundamental and popular questions. Published in the UK for use in London, HK and Singapore.
Contents: Central Problems of Economics, Theory of Demand, Theory of Supply, Price and Output Determination, Theory of Income Distribution, National Income Accounting, Theory of Income Determination, Money and Prices, International Trade, Role of Government, Economics of Development
Condition: Very minor highlighting (3 lines), otherwise clean, book very much intact.
Original price: $23.95
Selling for: $19

SAT I:
Kaplan SAT Writing Workbook Second Edition (July 2006)
Description: Very comprehensive exercise book for the Writing component of SAT I which most locals have problem with.
Contents: 3 realistic Writing tests; in-depth coverage of all question types; detailed answer explanations; proven score-raising strategies; tactics for writing a high-scoring essay; techniques for identifying sentence errors, improving sentences, and improving paragraphs.
Condition: ABSOLUTELY BRAND NEW! Crisp and Completely untouched.
Original price: $30.92
Selling for: $30

2007-12-16T20:30:00.000+08:00

Hello world, I'm blogging from China. It took forever to load this page, I bet they had to check out my political inclinations and what-not first. :D
Surprisingly, it's not cold at all here, all I need is a sweater to feel warm. Hmm I'm pretty sure this is not normal. GLOBAL WARMING!! :S

Anyway, I can't wait to see Hong Kong at Christmas :)) And the sales!!!
!!!
:D
Ok thiskeyboard sucks, soI'll stop here,
till I fly back on the 27th,
BYE!

"The alarmed clock rang."

2007-12-11T10:20:00.000+08:00

At present, I only have one Christmas wish:

For the 12 of us to train together again for the Sundown Marathon and participate in the Team Challenge.

In other news, my dad got himself a pro-looking camera, a Canon EOS 400D. I'm hoping I get to toy around with it a little in exchange for translating the instruction manual :D

AGHH leaving for China in 18hours! YAYYYYYYYYY Can't wait can't wait can't wait!

Since I won't be able to send everyone a Christmas SMS as I usually do,
MERRY CHRISTMAS in advance! HAVE A WONDERFUL LAUGHTER-FILLED CELEBRATION WITH YOUR FAMILY! :)

"I want to turn into a new leaf."

2007-12-10T01:18:00.000+08:00

¹⁸ Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)

Sometimes we think God must be distancing Himself from us because our lives lack the blessings it used to be filled with. What we don't know is this: God is constantly bestowing his favour upon us and blessings are continually pouring down from heaven. We are not receiving them because we've got our hands full, clutching on to all the hurts and pains we have experienced. If we don't learn to let go, and have faith in God's plans, we are never going to realise our destiny -- to be blessed by God and to be a blessing.

¹Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)

2007-12-09T00:10:00.000+08:00

:)
:(
:)
:(
...
:')

You will do well.
You can.
I'm not very eloquent when I speak, so I'll put down in writing the few things I'd like to say to my dear juniors (though I don't know how many of you will read this :D)

Look out for each other --very important!
Always, always, always MAKE EVERY STROKE COUNT during training. Never do anything that you will regret later on.
It always works best if you're enjoying yourself when you train ..like you are feeling the power in every stroke, enjoying the breeze, etc. There will definitely be times when you dread training, maybe because you don't seem to be making any improvements or maybe just that the magic spark is gone. It's all normal, don't beat yourself over it and sometimes it's not even advisable to make yourself work even harder in a bid to overcome it; there's a very fine line between being hardworking and being stubborn, yeah? Take a step back, relax, watch a few kayaking videos to pump yourself up again, you should also be able to find out what went wrong when you are thinking rationally. Don't let your frustrations get in the way and mess up your plans. If you keep hammering away at your problems, you are at risk of losing even your passion for the sport and it'll all degenerate into a burn-out.
Take care of your body!! Train hard, but better yet, train SMART!
BELIEVE.

YUP. I'm really glad that Raffles Canoeing is in such good, hardworking, (calloused) hands and I am sooo excited about what you will achieve in 2008! :))

So, as you set forth,
GODSPEED! :)

2007-12-08T02:03:00.000+08:00

Well, I was just going through my entries for stuff to include in my application essay and I remembered this piece that I wrote for Nats. With the farewell party being tomorrow, I guess it's fitting that this entry is finally published...

It's brought tears to my eyes as I read it. There are some lessons that, it seems, I have forgotten.
But what's real is this, I want You in my life again like you were in that period of time, looming larger than life and chasing the shadows away. I want that unwavering faith back. I want Faith and Hope to triumph over the errant heart. I want out of this funk.
It's time to actively seek out Your presence again.
I'm sorry to have strayed.

So, here goes.

13/07/2007
18, but it feels as if I had grown much more than 1 year older in a brief span of 24 hours. And boy, what a birthday..
Welcomed it in tears, teeth clenched so I won't make a sound. I was lying in the foetal position on my bed and facing the window. What a contrast. Motionless, yet inside I was raging.. You never said following You is going to be easy. In fact, You said that those who follow in Your steps have to be prepared to take up the cross daily. But Lord, did You have to make it so hard? Why is it that every time You want me to learn and grow, it has to involve some drastic action? Every single time.

I remembered the most recent argument I had with my parents over canoeing, how everyone was trying to make themselves heard but refusing to hear the others out. How Dad stormed out in a huff. And in the aftermath, the drained faces and subtle threats of moving out and away. No one has any idea how much it tore at my heart because I never told anyone. I never liked to make others worry or feel sorry for me, too awkward. And it's not like it's the first time it's happened so I could just hold it in like I always do, no problem. But each time the same thing happens, the wound tears deeper and it never completely heals before the next bout of attacks. I try to understand why all these happen.. Well, we weren't handed handbooks on how to be a child/parent when we were born so just based on this I should let go and let live. And God must be trying to remind me that I must be obedient and that my bad temper's getting me nowhere. And so I persuaded myself to sleep.. there was trng the next morning. The one where He brought me to a fifth consecutive PB, even if the improvement was just within that second.

Then I brought myself 1 week back, to the present. Semi-finals.
In the morning when we had prayer meeting and the sky was overcast, I said, "Jesus bring the rain, it doesn't matter, the water will be calmer after this and that's good for us." And You did.
The seven of us huddled in the playground and prayed. Lord, take away our fears.. of the wind, of our opponents, blind our peripheral vision; Lord bless them, bring them comfort and understanding; Lord lay Your hand of protection over us, keep us safe from harm; Lord we pray You bless the non-believers too; Lord, oh Lord..
I said to You before the race, "Take, take, take it all... everything's in Your hands now." and You must have asked "How true are Your words? Will they withstand the test I am about to set You?"
Start burst, must have been the best I've ever done in a competition. I was able to shut out all distractions and just focus on merging controlled power with frequency. 20 or so into the 40 I'd planned, I looked at the buoys, really looked. And counted.
DQ. What a sudden, twisted way to end my journey as rjcanoeist. I screamed into the wind No Lord You can't do this to me. This is not happening. All my hard work..it can't end like this! Shifted my weight to the right hip and really leant into the tilt in order to make a fast swerve back into lane. My arms were moving on autopilot, doing an extended burst, the kind I reserve for when the competition is so tough we're neck to neck. The kind I'd trained myself for during trng in the past month. I argued with You as I made each familiar reach, pull, twist, lift and punch.
I wanted so much to believe in my definition of a miracle, the one I dictated to You, the one I wanted You to perform for me, so I pulled everything together for an end burst. Also, I reasoned, even if the outcome is what I fear, I'm not going down without a good fight. I wanted to be worthy of the spirit of competition, I wanted to give the other competitors my best thru to the end..it was only fair with the effort everyone's put in.
Too soon, the race ended. I looked to my left, looks like I came in first. I was momentarily glad. It was untainted by fear. I looked at the sky and whispered a Thank You. I looked at Stacy and smiled with pride, could tell she's just done her best too, we hadn't let JiaoLian down. She's like a trng partner, even if from a different school.. I just wish we could have gotten to know each other better.
Rowed to the pontoon and my heart resumed its palpitation. They wanted Gideon Jnr weighed. I was so nervous I just lost my mind and muttered a cheeky "My boat's like overweight", which is a fact, by close to 1kg, but still..shouldn't have. Anyway I thought if they're asking to weigh my boat, it must be alright, right?
Went to JiaoLian, asked the usual 怎么样? He said 不错, gave me a thumbs up. If he says so it must be alright, right? Walked off in search of my nano, blasted music, 3 songs with the word 'promise' in them, 2 of which I haven't noticed before. Screamed my lungs out for the other boats.. SJI, CJ, RJ, it didn't matter. I was trying to do what You said I should do in times like this, when I'm tempted to worry and fear.
Then Elisa came and told me I had better see it for myself. I could tell from her eyes what was to come but I didn't want to believe it. Was going to tell her if it was a joke just because tomorrow's my birthday she had better say so but didn't. Gathered my nerves, walked off towards what I dread.
Mr Go stopped me on the way, said Can I speak to you? Took me to the side, gave me a detailed account, drew me diagrams.. Which was smart, ‘cause I’m a visual learner. I was biting the part of the finger near the knuckles on the left hand. I can still see the marks in my mind now. Little T1s carved out in dashes. I listened carefully to every word. He said it was the fact that the other boat took evasive action that there is no ground for argument. To them, it looked like I was going for a collision. He's done what he could, paid to watch the videos, protested.. I thought back on all the things I saw, I don't remember seeing that boat on my right at all but that is not the point anymore, is it? I felt bad that he had to be the bearer of bad news, and that he had to comfort me. But I was and still am very thankful for most of what he'd said. It calmed me down, quelled some of the guilt I felt at not having delivered the points I was expected to bring in.. At the end, I thanked him and walked off, someone was holding my hand. I was glad for the contact, it made it easier to accept that this was reality. I didn’t know what to say to You other than Oh Lord, Oh Lord does it have to be like this?
I didn’t want to cry, really didn’t, so when I saw the canoobs had gathered around and were looking so pale and red-eyed, some even avoiding my gaze, I got confused for a moment. I wanted to tell them don’t cry for me, when I win I praise Him, when I lose I praise Him still and that’s all. That was when it hit me, it wasn’t a statement you say just because it sounds good, or right. It was a COMMITMENT. It says, “Lord even if I have to go thru the pain of defeat, so be it, it is Your will and I willingly lay everything and more at Your feet if You ask because I am thankful to You for giving Your Son’s life in exchange for mine.” I don’t know how much of it I actually voiced, and when I realised the magnitude of this I really started to tear. Asked if we could just bow our heads together and say a prayer, give thanks. It was a question directed at the cell but what really touched me was that when we gathered in a circle, more that just the seven of us were there. And the resounding Amen I heard at the end is one I won’t forget anytime soon.
We stood there in the end, the 12 of us, like a stone wall, holding out against the hard knocks. We’ve got our Dream and there were still more shots at it the next day, with the entire K1 fleet in finals, Jo, Van&Shawna and the K4. We’ve got faith in them to fight on for us, so we’ll hold our heads high, walk fearlessly. We’ve built a stone wall, we will not fall. We even managed jokes. I was aghast when Elisa and Joo suggested we make the seal-like noises they claimed the Spartans made..
And that’s the way we are.. So so so proud of my favourite girls in the world, all so strong and ready to face adversity with good cheer. We never succumb to defeats.. if anything, anyone who defeats us has more to fear because it bonds and strengthens us further.
I was fine, more or less, or at least very eager to move on. The girls have this effect on me. When things aren’t smooth sailing, I may not spill everything but at least I don’t have to laugh and joke in front of them in order to pretend everything was alright, I genuinely wanted to laugh and joke because they’d make me forget I’m supposed to whine and sulk. Also, I found myself finally and firmly believing in this cliché, that it’s not the results that matter, but the journey. If I had a chance to win a medal, it comes at the opportunity cost of knowing for sure just how great our team is. I wouldn’t trade the gleaming memory of the 12 of us clutching each other tightly in a circle, refusing to let anyone fall away, for a medal that tarnishes.
Packed up. A CJ guy came and squatted beside me as I was keeping my shoes and said “I’m sorry”. That took me by surprise so I only managed a “thank you” and shook his hand. One thing about nationals that will always stick with me: the non-hypocritical display of goodwill in the midst of competition. Take Stacy, we’re opponents right from the start, but like I mentioned, she’s like a trng partner, things are really friendly between us.
Then the bus ride home. Lots of time to think too much. Especially after Jave got off. Unreasonable bus driver made it worse, insists on checking my student pass (“No, I/C no use, I dunno whether you still studying anot.”) so that I can pay student fare in cash because I’d forgotten my EZ-Link. Of course I couldn’t comply! Go figure. It’s pretty screwed up.
Home, told Mum and Dad. Had to laugh at the things they said. Mum, “Tell me who I can contact to complain about the lanes.” and Dad, “You’ve got enough medals, let’s try to be generous towards others. You know you’ve got what it takes anyway.” They were trying to cheer me up! I really appreciated it. Especially when I thought back to that cruel phone call a year ago.. “What’s this? You’ve squandered precious study time and now you can’t even win a medal? I want you out of canoeing, NOW, or you can go live your own life, I can’t and won’t be bothered anymore.”
Hot shower. Tried to draw tears that won’t come. I wondered what was wrong with me. Usually, when I feel super upset, I’d allow myself to tear in the shower so that I can promise myself when I step out, everything will be brand new and I’ll start fresh. But the tears won’t come. I thought, well, I suppose this is the peace that transcends all understanding. Alright. toweled off and blogged. Packed. Just minutes away from 18, I crawled into bed and began to pray.. And that brings us to the beginning of this entry.
After much clenching of teeth and digging the heels of my palm into my eyes to prevent swelling, I fell asleep. With some bitterness.. All that hard work have been in vain, I didn’t even get a chance to be in the running for a medal.. But it was all because You’ve seen the depths of my heart. You knew all along that’s what I’m subconsciously after.. I hadn’t really surrendered everything. When I trained, I often trained with the medal in mind, rather than rowing for You alone so that You can derive pleasure from seeing me use Your gift. You’ve seen those dreams I had, of clutching a gold medal in my hand and beaming, the happiest birthday girl ever. You’ve finally broken me, taught me a lesson on pride. And I know You’re right.. even if You’d chosen to teach me in such a painful way.. a way which brings the team pain too, not just for me.
Yet, there was also a fair bit of gratitude. Because whatever it is, the point is that You love me and care for me enough to want me to become a better person, a better vessel for Your will. You’re the goldsmith, hard at work, and one day I will emerge from this fire as or pur.
A sense of loss too, what now Lord? What have You planned for me? I was sure canoeing was one area in which I could honour You. Now.. Surely there’s something else I can shine for You in, but what is it? The future looked as dark and unyielding as the moonless night sky outside the window.

After a dreamless sleep, I woke up 18. Usually I don’t feel any different becoming a year older but this time, things have definitely changed. I wondered what the day would bring. Got on the bus to school, talked to You a bit more. You’d taken everything, Lord, and I yield them willingly. I’d just like to ask for a miracle today, any miracle at all, and that was my simple birthday wish. I remember the first birthday after I’d accepted Christ, Miss Sng told me over the phone that I could ask for anything on my birthday and You would give it to me. It’s proven true so far, my first bible, silver crosses, the nano..silly whims, but now I’ve got a ‘serious’ wish. I was on the verge of tears many times during that bus ride but I squeezed my eyes shut and kept it in. I was that desperate for a miracle.

Arrived in Bedok, everything went by in a whir.. we were in charge of Jo’s boat until she went out. When her race started I was very anxious because the sky was a dripping grey. Lord just calm her down, Lord just bring her thru, Lord.. You’ve taken, could I have my miracle now? As she neared the last 200, we united in one voice, “Jo Burst! Jo Burst! Jo..” I thought my heart could burst.. Lord please, that miracle, I need it now! When Jo finished her race I wasn’t sure what she got, 3rd and 4th were so close from where we were looking. So when it was confirmed she got 3rd I was so happy! Thank you, thank You! I said over and over again, tears mixing with the rain.. I think I must have needed that assurance that God was still listening to me very badly.
Then the K1s, and Shawna&Van. They put up the best fight I’ve ever seen, never slowing their frequency once, battling the wind and the currents so bravely. And with the end of their race, it basically concludes the J2s’ stint as RJCanoeists. How apt that the last girls’ boat out there from our school was the K4 comprised entirely of J1s. They fought so hard and displayed such potential that we knew Raffles Canoeing is in good hands. The Dream lives on.

The final event was the awards ceremony. Sometimes I’d think of what could have been, the difference I could have made to our standing and my heart would seize. Sometimes I didn’t think anything at all and made random piles of sand by shuffling my feet around. We clapped for the winners, they deserved it, their efforts have paid off. We took it all in without complaint, we stood tall; we watched as the school colours fluttered with the occasional breeze.

May the most deserving win, I.e. may he who trains the hardest win. Ideally, this would be the case for every competitor. So what happened here? I don’t think anyone who’s seen and known us in the past 1.5 years could say we are not deserving. In fact I can be sure that the girls have done everything and more to define ‘deserving’. We started with killer circuits and pyramids in the sun, long team runs that qualified us for Astro club memberships because half the time we were running them we couldn’t see further than the bobbing white shirt directly in front of us. Then we moved on to monster gym sets and weren’t satisfied until we had gg-ed our muscles so that it was necessary to tape our EZ-links to our shoulders in order to travel home before we collapsed. And all the while Jiaolian pushed us and forcibly brought out the best in us with all those time-trials and burst-pyramids during water trainings. Furthermore, these water trainings came in trilogies and quadrilogies, what with all the vertical ascents up the grassy slope last year, the killer slopes this year, pull-up pyramids, weights sets.. And let’s not forget all the times we’ve sneaked into the gym on our own in order to do some extra trng in the areas we’re weak in. I’ve never seen any canoob give less than her best thru-out. So seriously, why had the equation not yielded the rightful results in our case?

I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer, His ways are too unfathomable.

But I guess it is a preparation.

And I guess, if we had touched any hearts along the way, it is all worth it.

God has not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives thro’;
God has not promised
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.
God has not promised
We shall not know
Toil and temptation,
Trouble and woe;
He has not told us
We shall not bear
Many a burden,
Many a care.
But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.

Just for Fun

2007-12-08T00:01:00.001+08:00

Still an ENTP.. But I guess the distinctions aren't quite so uh, distinct anymore?

Tedium,

2007-12-07T20:06:00.000+08:00

OMG I am so friggin bored!!!

So bored I just offered to make dinner. Got as far as making a tuna omelette before Pa decides it won't do to have me messing around in the kitchen. Seriously, people have no faith! :C The omelette tastes finger-lickin' good so TOOOO BAAAAAAAD, your loss. Hmmph.

But seriously, I want something more exciting in my life than dithering over my essays (and supplement questions z'omggxx!), watching formulaic Korean drama (love rectangle: older woman whom male lead has fascination with, female lead leaving the male lead out of love and 'for his own good', patient older male who guides said confused female lead and invariably falls in love..), exercising on impulse, playing around with the applications in facebook...
RAWR.

Even the funniest people to encounter on MSN, i.e. ET and Jo, have ditched me and flown away. How to exercise my wit when there is no ET to POP with and no Jo to laugh at!! :C
I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE BEING AN ONLY CHILD. Give me squabbles over the remote control any day. At least there's someone to talk to other than my alter ego.

CAN'T WAIT FOR MY OWN VACATION TO CHINA/HONGKONG/MACAU (so essentially, China) in 5 days' time!

..But there is hope yet :)
Canoe farewell TMR (not that it's something to be cheery about, but at least y'know, it's something)
and HOT movie date with CherS!

THANK GOD for little pebbles tossed into my pond.
:D

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world (own world)
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
And tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Sur la dernier page du chapitre.

2007-12-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN!<3

I'm itching to make a new blogskin and this time it shall be black, predominantly black anyways 'cause it's the most eco-friendly colour to use on a computer screen (using less electricity and all). But I have yet to find a colour scheme that looks good on black.. it always comes out tacky. :C

Anyways, pr-prr-prrr-prrrrom!
How was it? It was like this.
Sorry it's all on Facebook! I got real lazy and decided against wasteful duplication on Flickr.
[edit: I just realised there's a public link! --> Here you go!]

Or if u want, some snippets:

Jingyi with very pretty looong lashes but the photo's too blur too see that! (Could u send me the ones we took together?)

POPing with my favourite alien!

JAVE the BABE :)

Jo the ape has finally evolved :D

Some of the 1B girls :)

My favouritest photo! :) Can06s!

The entire team, includes 1 Miss Hot Bod, 1 Mr Hot Bod Runner-up, 1 Prom King!

At the end of the day...

Yup that's it for here! :D

I'm must get started on my Advertising textbook! Yayy so looking forward to that :)
And learning Korean!
..andand relearning French!

Whew.
But see, there's this thing called application essays..
BUMBUMBUMMER!

2007-12-03T20:09:00.001+08:00

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2007-11-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday A Clear Horizon

2007-11-20T17:36:00.000+08:00

You know, I think I know why I'm putting off writing the application essay.
I'm not in the mood to do some soul-searching.
Not ready to delve into that part of my memories yet.

After all this time,
not yet?

It's funny how you can have all these visions of what life is going to be like, and it comes, and it's gone, and you're left exclaiming, in the fashion of an irritated Korean drama character, "YAAA!! That's not the way I planned it!"

But what are we to do?
Trudge on, trudge on,
try to cling to that spirit of a dreamer and
trudge on, trudge on,
in faith.

I parted with my paddle today though. It's something of an achievement.

The brat in me had wanted to keep it with me for all eternity. It's a part of my life that I don't want to forget. But a moment of rationality took over and I decided, it's fairer to my parents this way..the money I get, I ought to give it back to them. So I acted upon it immediately.
Cause I knew I'd regret and turn back on my decision.

It's hard. I miss the sight of it leaning against the cupboard.. A comforting black shadow that replaced the one that loomed in my mind.
(So guess what's back? Back again?)

But it's past.
And this is for the best,
right?

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours,
still remain.

ONE LAST PAPER,
I gotta finish well.

Go me :)

Dear God, hold on to me. Do not be too far from my side.
I need Your love.

Sarang Hagi Ttae Mune

2007-11-17T20:01:00.001+08:00

What's not to like about a guy who's multilingual (Korean, Jap, English, Chinese), multi-talented (Sings, beatboxes, acts, dances --check out the handstand at 1.56 and the cool stunts at 4.07, 4.30 in the video below), polite and hardworking!!
Fumes.

..and he doesn't lip-sync either!

OH WELLL, to each her own. Shrugs.

Anyway, 1 more paper :) It's in like a week+++ but I've got many many many essays/short writing samples to do for apps! BUSY BUSY BUSY

..A couple of weeks without touching Chinese and I can already feel the Chinese side of the brain shriveling up. OH NO! I don't want to lose it!
Must learn Korean in Chinese, otherwise I might become another..nvm. :D

AHAHAHAHA CHECK THIS OUT:

OIII

2007-11-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

Ahem. Well uh, that last post was a slip of thought. LOL. What I don't look the fan-girly kind meh Bern?? :D And Elisa you don't laugh k, you're quite a fan-girl yourself :D

Eh why am I defending myself ah? :D

ANYWAY GOODBYE MATH!!! FOREVER!!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!
I say, GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH. :p

It's was quite alright lah, in fact all my papers have been pretty fine. But a bit scared about Chinese Lit.. I don't know how it'll turn out :/ GP is a smilie 'cause I prepared for the essay and the compre was quite straight forward. Tho I don't know what I was agreeing with for the AQ so just rattled my own stuff. AIYAH WHATEVER LAH, it's all in God's hands!! :))) So good to know that 'cause I can just keep going forward instead of fretting :)

YAYY 4 more papers!!

H College just made contact again. This time it's an email from representatives of the Asian American organisations on campus. Got me grinning from the first line, cos apparently I have made "considerable academic achievements". UMMM really? Better check your sources.. Haha. Well I don't know man. Am I excited? Sure. 2 letters of encouragment so far! That's gotta be a morale booster any way you look at it. BUT let's add a dash of reality, shall we?
1) It's most probably computer generated, some auto-response made in cyberspace.
2) I will be competing with the creme de la creme, and je suis just'un pincement de sel. (Tho salt used to be pretty expensive dinosaur ages ago)

Yeah so not getting my hopes up at all. Tho my mum has taken to looking at me proudly.
>______<
Can I burst her bubble? Is there any way to do it gently???

Everyone Needs an Encouragement Now and Then

2007-11-04T23:55:00.001+08:00

If you're sick of that staring contest with your notes, have some eye candy! :)

Are you distracted by Se7en's very good looks yet? Hmm? Hmm??

:P
Ok back to Math Paper 2.

Sighhhh

Random Ramblings

2007-10-24T21:07:00.000+08:00

My mum found me a baby snail :) It measures about 3mm and doesn't have a name. I don't want to give it a name, because I like treating animals as they are. I hate attributing human characteristics to animals. It's just not right. No wonder I never took a liking to Disney characters.. and always feel slightly alarmed when people become overprotective of their toys. I should like to think that human beings are vastly different from animals. God created us to be so. I also think we have no business thinking animals are not unique enough to possess characteristics that humans don't.. so that we may find our personalities embodied in a ferocious tiger, a stubborn bull, a cheeky monkey. That we can impose our standards upon them is no more than a self-centered notion. Animals are unique in their own right. And so are we. So draw a clear sharp line down the middle and leave it at that.

And remember, nature is nature. Not 'Mother Nature'.

Grr. I don't know why I suddenly feel so irritated.

Must be the books.

2007-10-19T11:10:00.000+08:00

When I look back now,
the summer seemed to last forever
and if i have the choice,
i'll always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Not Here, Don't Stop, Have a Whale of a Time

2007-09-12T22:31:00.000+08:00

"Another belief of mine:
that everyone else my age is an adult,
whereas
I am merely
in disguise. "

Cat's Eye Margaret Atwood

I want my own polaroid machine!

Paper 2 = Another Chance to Make Good.

I like.

But GOD HELP ME.

Send me a RAINBOW

Or more honey dipped avocados<3

Don't Know When I'll Be Back Again

2007-09-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

Has nobody asked you how you are
You look like you might not last the day
I wouldn't have made it very far
So we'd make a good team right away

I've not made amends for yesterday
My lip won't get me out of it
Waking up dreading hearing tales
Of all of my nightmares being true

The funniest thing that happened in the last 10349748729 years?

Being told that I'm not cut out for math in my dream, that I'm 'rubbing it the wrong' way.

Like, HUH, you mean I rub a different way the eraser will reveal the right solutions?

..but I'll always remember the terror.

P(get B for math for Prelims)=??????

Anyway, thank God for stolen hours on the seventh floor of the Science building in school, remembering His love, singing.

And for Mummy, for feeding me CONSTANTLY.

And for Pa, who lets me invade his study.

Peace,

OUT.

Dreary Days

2007-08-30T22:20:00.000+08:00

It's easier to lie and be safe
Time and time again I'm half stalled
One giant leap of faith is easy
When everyone you ask is so sure

I am in like with Snow Patrol at the moment :)

Aiight, just need to get myself thru this last 3 months, then (hopefully, with all my digits crossed) I'll be up up and away to some land where I don't feel perpetually claustrophobic and hypocrisy is a distant memory (ok, that's asking too much).

Random Flutters of Excitement

2007-08-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

What's amazing is that I'd asked for a sign yesterday.. and You sent along a very special letter :) What follows is all in Your hands!

Ohmy.. I'm so unprepared. I've never touched anything related to this because I think I'm not good enough. Only picked up its brochure once and flipped through it furtively (because I thought I haven't the right to) Do You mean I've been looking the wrong way the whole time? Lord I need You guidance so so so much.. Don't let go just yet :)

2007-08-17T22:37:00.000+08:00

There is nothing more >____< than filling up the B-right-sparks form.

OTOH, I'm set on Cornell!! The campus is like woo! HAHA if they see this I can like give up all hope of being admitted. Really feel like applying there early decision. If my app gets deferred, my heart can still take it. But if they reject me outright.. I will go into hiding and mope. IF I GET ACCEPTED I WILL JUMP AROUND I won't even care if I sprain my right ankle an 8th time :D

It's all in Your hands Lord, all in Your hands :) And thanks for canoe cell today, it was intellectually stimulating yayy! <3

2007-08-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

This is me at my happiest :)
My paddle's leaning lonesomely against the closet, and Gideon Jnr.. He's dehydrating in the RJ shed. Boo. And I'd brought my watch home. I hope the next friend to RJC03 treats him well. Which reminds me, I haven't left my mark on him yet :) I was thinking of inking Godspeed at some prominent place and maybe touching up the verse in it.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I will fear no evil: For thou art with me.

Psalm 23:4

Anyways, trying to fill up my SGC 3 Best Achievements now. Feels awfully weird trying to see myself in a different light. I keep thinking This is not me, I'm an awfully flawed person! but of course we have been strongly discouraged from being reflective about our misdeeds and misfortunes so..

I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. And I figured that this would be my ideal route:
_TB Scholarship to Cornell U/UPenn -> Hotel Management/Business + Crew
Though this way would be a whole lot easier:
NUS -> Double Degree in Business and Communications and New Media + Kayaking + USP?

Oh well, it's not the time to worry yet. More pressing matters: PRELIMS z'ohmyggX____X.

OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
Caught NDP, my favourite segment is still the parachuting :) Makes me hold my breath! Especially when they did it a second time when it was all dark.. woah, cool stuff! :)
Umm. School celebrations also not bad. I loved loved loved the laser show! Tho I never knew RJC Laser Studios existed. Kudos to people who made that short laser film! The animation was seamless! And uh.. the rest of the night.. not bad, but it was pretty hot and humid out on the Spec's Gal and 9pm's kinda late to end it. Still, gotta give it to the school, loadsa money and effort went into it that's for sure! And I love the Canoobs! Van, Joo, Jave, Man, Elisa and I hung out together the entire night. Just like the old times, almost :)

I wish there's some way we could meet again
Then we'll start over
And move away from this awkward, vague state of semi-recognition
I'd like us to be friends

Homesickness

2007-08-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

Heyhey! Contrary to empirical evidences I'm still alive and kicking (Ouch) and looks like I'd continue to be so for a long time yet. Which may or may not be an appealing prospect depending on the amount of FFG (Fatal Feelings of Guilt) that comes from ~~regular~~ procrastination.

Anyway I haven't been online for so looooong because I haven't felt the need to. These days I'd rather go against my tree-hugging nature and devour books. I've read something like 12 books since the end of NSCC, which is something like 6 times what I did in 2006. Marvy! I might single handedly destruct "Mother Nature". Haha. (Can you sense my scorn for that vile term? Disgusting anthropomorphics.)

But! Maybe! I devour books 'cause I've been feeling kinda empty/hungry. Can't seem to get my daily fill of Canoobian humour anymore. Lunches aren't as filling either when it's not taken in mad dashes at a cramped canoe table. I am missing my Vitamin C (Or as some NUS guy who came for scholarship day would say, Why-ta-meen C). Java puts it best, "everyone's either marching home or off to the library now". It's really sad. Really really really sad. So sad. :C

I hope it's just a temporary stretching of the bond. I hope it doesn't snap.

Why did Fred have to die? WHYYYYYYY :C

My Salvation Lies in Your Love

2007-07-19T08:40:00.000+08:00

Hey yawl :)

Have been trying to catch up with school work hence the lack of entries.. S4 pwned! Yayy! I don't care that it's one of the easiest tutorials, it's still a good start aiight? Starting on S5, mann I think I'm getting the hang of hardcore mugging again :)

Been to the library thrice in the past week, trying to find the book to read. Nothing really interests me.. Bishan library is too darned small! But I've got F. Scott Fitzgerald's Tender is the Night, should be good?

I've got a uber looong entry for Nat'ls on the way.. could've been posted sooner but each time I go over the details I get lost in time

It's not over between me and rowing yet, how it ended was way to abrupt! I'm not sure how I can row again tho? What are my options? Join a club? Wait till I get into NUS? Just praying that You will lead me back to it somehow.. soonish. I really really really wanna row. It's not that I can't let go. Honest. I just wanna row, I love it. Do I have to justify that any further?

When I am alone
When I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I've lost all care for the things I own
That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you
You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

Orange Sky Alexi Murdoch

Anyways, tag replies :)

selene: heyy!! thanks :) anyway just wanted to say that u're a brave girl and u'll definitely go far! keep smiling for everyone! :)
soo: thanks!! woah shangrila treat yo!! did yawl eat ur fill? treats fr Jiaolian don't come easy! :D
siti: heyhey!! yes, u must keep up the fine tradition of the T-ONE-d sisters k! yayy! go for the gold yeah! 110% for evey trng! pushpushpush! :)
bern: :) don't miss me too much, if our Alumni idea comes thru we'll still be able to row in the same waters and ride the same bus! :D
vandepoot: LOL
yufang: yup i rmb u! thanks :)

Bring the Rain.

2007-07-11T21:22:00.000+08:00

Last year, after one of the team talks, Muddy gave each of us one of these:

And I'd written on the back,

Which, fyi, is 2 Tim 4:7.
Have I done that? Have I been a worthy competitor?
I would like to think the answer is Yes, I'd given my all and even when things went wrong in the first 200m, I didn't stop there. I finished the race, and gave the rest a goood fight and that is that.
..Kept the faith? I have to admit at times it faltered. Like when I argued with You, Lord, in that last 300m. I didn't think You'd let things turn out this way.. I prayed so hard for no DQs at all and it just seemed like You'd promised. And I held on to that thread of hope all the way, refused to slow down because Lord I just wanted to believe that You'd deliver on a promise I thought You had made. Came on shore, screamed my lungs out for the other boats, if only to take my mind away from it.. Because You said to remove myself from situations that would tempt me..which in this case is to the temptation to fear and worry. Then Elisa came, and Mr Go came. And I just thought, Oh Lord, does it have to be so? If this is Your will for me, what are Your reasons? How can this be Your plan for me? I couldn't see anything. I had no way of figuring this out. And this I suppose, I dunno, I can only guess, is where Your reason lies. Somehow or other, I always thought I could figure all of Your plans out Lord. I was not humble enough before the majesty of Your Perfect Plan. I thought I could see all sides of everything predict everything before they come. It's easy to do that with all the birthday 'surprises', 'sneaky' plans that people have tried to spring on me from time to time (Rmb that time you gave me the CD, Chers? I admit now that I knew what you were planning on doing actually). But with You it's different. Your ways are too amazing and well planned for me to comprehend.

And I can only be thankful, it was only because of You that I didn't quit there and then, refused to slow the frequency.. If I were going out, then I'll make sure they have the hardest race I can offer them first. At least on that I can rest easy.

And now, in retrospective, it wasn't that You had promised me no DQs for RJ. What You had promised is that we will emerge victors in THE RACE OF LIFE. Canoeing is our PASSION (OH YES IT IS) but this is not our LIFE. You would put us thru firey trials so that we may be refined into pure gold, in preparation for our assignments in eternity. And what You've promised is blessing us with what we need to pass these tests, to overcome, because Lord You're a loving God. Maybe that's why I feel oddly at peace.
..Or at least the tears won't come anymore.

To the competitors in finals tomorrow, here's something modified from coach Taylor's speech in Facing the Giants,

For the rest of your life you are going to remember today. I want you to remember you held nothing back, did not lose heart, you did not stop fighting, you did not quit, because you wanted to HONOUR GOD.

Com'on RAFFLES CANOEING! We have nothing to lose.

___
Jave don't be angry with Him ok? I'm fine. We'll be fine. :) When the scar from the fall heals over, we know we've got stronger tissues in place of the old ones AND WE WILL STAND TALLER STILL.
Anyways, here's something to chew on:

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Bring the Rain MercyMe

Yeah what's a little rain when He's given me so much?

A NO-WORDS-CAN-DESCRIBE-HOW-AWESOME TEAM? Check.
TWO FAITHFUL BOATS that pull me thru nutstough trngs (Remember the 20k last year, Gideon? Or the 30-40-50-60-70-70-60-50-40-30X2 bursts, Gideon Jnr?) Check.
Trustfy paddle? Check.
UNBELIEVABLE, NEVER-DARED-TO-DREAM-ABOUT-IT timings for 2k (11.41 last year; 11.28-18-16-15-15 this year)? Check.
A CLOSER WALK TO GOD? CHECK CHECK CHECK.

So yeah, bring a storm if You have to Lord!

'cause I only want to be the best for You :)

Raffles RYw!

2007-07-08T10:56:00.000+08:00

Rowed at Bedok for the first time yesterday. I thank God for showing us the worst side of it -- when it's raining and cold and muddy everywhere -- 'cause I know now that there's nothing to fear over there! :D Seriously, all the talk about the water being choppy and the wind being super strong.. Sure, it's true but I still love the conditions! Gideon Jnr and I love riding waves that's why :) The only problem is the buoys which are RAWR awful. I rowed too close to one of those big pink thingums and my paddle got entangled with the little white sausage-like buoy tied to it! (>.<) And the sheds weren't ready so we had to leave our boats lying around under trees.. I don't think there're monkeys in Bedok right? Or else they'd have a field day mann... Oh well. Just have to trust that God will go before us and prepare the place for us before the start of Nationals! :)

Anyway, after trng we went for team lunch at Han's at Century Square. Being considerate citizens and permanent residents of Singapore who are fully aware that paddles are weapons of mass destruction, we decided to set up camp outside where it's hot and smelly 'cause of people who wish to commit gradual suicide by means of smoking. But it was nice to tuck into ~~meagre servings of~~ food with my favourite company in the WWWorld :) And we had part I of Joo's birthday celebrations! Presented her with a peach tart and an orange version of Ultimate :D I got a slice of chocolate cake too tho my birthday's in 4 days' time.. THANKS DARLINGS! :)

Ah.. It's come to this then. We're nearing the last powerful stroke of our final burst. CRUNCH TIME. Are you excited? I am :) 'Cause I have a feeling we're gonna perform some miracles out there on the choppy waters of Bedok. Don't think I'll be coming online again anytime soon so I'll share some of the things I've been thinking of now.. they're thoughts from all over the place and I can't see any coherent way of organising them so I'll leave them in point form.

Fatigue is just a state of mind. When you're 1/2 way thru the maintenance phase of your race and a little voice inside your head tells you "I'm tired, let's slow this down a tad more", that's just what it is, a voice. You're physically able to push even further than that, really. Just think.. How many times has it happened: When someone shouts at you from the side of the lanes during trng to "Go faster!" and you find yourself speeding up? Clearly it's possible. So push on! ..and drown out that voice! Particularly if you believe that He is there with you in the boat :) Cry out to Him! Praise and honour Him! Anything to drown out that deceitful voice.. From The Purpose-Driven Life, "The secret of endurance is to remember that pain is temporary but your reward will be eternal."
Find your motivation in the things or Thing you believe in. Imba as you may be, you can't guarantee that you'd be the head of the pack all thru the race, but what's important is that at the times when you aren't, you refuse to give up..That you continue unfazed because you don't want to let down what you believe in. For me, I don't want to let my Personal Trainer down. He's blessed me with what I need to row, prepared me fully for the battle, put me thru fiery trials in order that I may emerge as or pur. It's time I thank Him for His love and faithfulness so there's no way on earth I am not going to put everything and more into the race. That means no tripping on moments of doubt, no turning to the left or right, but keeping my eyes focused on what's Above.
Whatever the outcome, I just want to be able to confirm that I've put up a good fight and that I've kept the faith. This at least is an aim that will give me no pressure because at the end of the day, I won't feel like I have to answer to anyone but Him.

Yeah ok some pretty incoherent thoughts.. Haha! Anyways, GODSPEED pple! Nationals 07 will be the best days of our lives! :)

1 Cor 9:25 - 27

2007-07-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

²⁴Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
²⁵Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. ²⁷No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Praise You in the Storm

2007-07-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

__15, and I really want to thank You. After what happened on Saturday and spending yesterday in a house full of rain clouds I didn't think I could make it today. I dreaded coming to trng even tho I was more than happy to leave the house.. Halfway through the 2k, I was ready to be satisfied with coming in second place after Ray but You carried me thru and we ended well. All I know is I'd harnessed the hurt and anger for the first half of the race and by 3/4 I was spent. Or sick of feeling angry. Whatever. And then You picked me up from where I laid, battered and worn, settled me on Your shoulders, and carried me through to the last 2 buoys. You alone understand. You alone.

I was thinking maybe it's because I'd learnt to compartmentalise my life. What's screwed up in section A can't spread its negative vibes to section B anymore 'cause I'd built a thick wall between them. But now I know it's not that, it's because You are faithful and You alone keep Your promises.

I will be patient. And I will not talk back. I will not let the hurt get the better of me. Because I'd promised You I'd be obedient, and since You're keeping Your promises, it's only fair I keep my end of it too.

Maureen, "You know that things aren't going well for you when you can't even tell people the simplest fact about your life, just because they'll presume you're asking them to feel sorry for you. I suppose it's why you feel so far away from everybody in the end; anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible."

A Long Way Down Nick Hornby

My Rock

2007-06-30T20:06:00.000+08:00

__15 for 2k!!!! and new PB for 500 which is 4s slower than my target but NO WORRIES God will take me there!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! For taking the pain away and restoring me with strength when I cried out to you. For being the one thing that I hold on to, the One that I set my eyes upon, the One that motivates me to put in the extra strength for an extended burst because I know that whatever I give up for You, You will bless me with much more. You are my eternal source of strength!
THANK YOU! :)

2007-06-29T21:57:00.000+08:00

HEYHEY!!
Whew just did some damage control in my gmail inbox, it's got a life of its own! Take a look at the number of unread mails:

500! Sounds almost Spartan (eh? Link?), Pro not? ;)

Anyhoo, HALLELUJAH THANK GOD IT'S OVERRRR!! I think this CTs went ok, not fantastic like I-confirm-do-a-Jolene fantastic but yeah..slightly better lah. THOUGH one thing's for sure, I will maintain my consistent performance for Math. Go figure. (>.<) Still, I took some major risks and spotted questions like crazy SO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING ME THRU and blessing me with a discerning eye! :) Haha now I got a splitting headache. Think my brain's dehydrated. All the vomitting of brain juices &c.

TRAINING TOMORROW!!! I dint get to see Gideon Jnr today :C Will give it a big XO tmr :)

ET=madness please,

Yang: WHY MUST YOU CHOOSE WHICH BAN MIAN TO EAT? It's not like the ban mian is fighting to be eaten right?
Me: >_____< *picks at a strand, then moves over to the other side of the bowl*
Yang: ...And she just picked up... BILLY! (Actually I don't think I was the one who said 'Billy', might've been Joo?)
Me: *thinks of the fat&lazy boat-maker Billy and goes O_O* RAWRRRRRR DIEEEEEEE BILLY!!!!!! *shoves the ban mian into mouth*

Got more in her blog, I lazy :D Mannn this past june hols has been crazymuggingtrainingmuggingcrazy, but I'm glad we'd managed to retain our humour :) My PoP Personal Best is this:

On Friday, Javine went a little crazy and did pushups, so we all joined in. Yang watched Javine do pushups, Shawna planking and me doing V-snaps with her and when she heard that Jo was running at the track too, she said, "ACES day! All Canoeists Exercising Simultaneously!"

Haha but seriously it was quite funny! Almost as funny as this other episode:
Was telling canoe cell that my tutor commented on Muddy's low and manly voice,

Elisa, very 不服气, "My voice also very low what.."
Me and Jave, simultaneously, "Yah right.. RAINBOW RAINBOW!!" (Looks at each
other, laughs and high-fives)

Haha OK I think it's time I go to bed. This entry is like how jumpy.. Talking on msn at the same time, 's why :P

Oh wait I should do tag replies first:
@soo: THANKS Q.M. Jnr!! :) Ahh don't worry, soon ur K4 will be so imba I'll be rowing at least 10 buoys behind you :D
@bern: Haha black BLUR. Ok sorry I shouldn't be mean.
@et: Yeah we have to set it up k?????
@shawna: Right back atcha babe! :)
@cheR: CHERRRRRR Haha I'll try my best lah, let's see what He decides to bless me with on my birthday! Anyhoo, are you free anytime soon?? Pls say yes.. :)
@hk 10 yrs on: Uh riiight, ok!

Everything on the Line

2007-06-23T23:32:00.000+08:00

__16!!!!!
I remember last trng I said this to Ray, "It's gonna take another miracle for me to achieve another PB, I seriously dunno how I'm going to top this.." And then today happened :) Throughout the whole 2K row I was just singing ("Lord I thank You/For Your sacrifice/Yes Lord I thank You/You're the giver of my life/The lover of my soul/And I just want to honour You" --I think it's a New Creation Church song, and I may have gotten the lyrics jumbled up but yeah these are the lines I repeated to myself) and pushing to sustain a 90% maintenance but not giving myself any pressure 'cause I'd thought I'd be happy with a 20-something. Then Gideon Jnr and I approached the 250m and the adrenaline kicked in and I was off, riding and cutting thru the waves, happy and free, taking a lift from God :) So, YES LORD I DO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, I DO I DO!! <3!!

And I will trust in Your perfect timing, in everythingYou have planned for me :)

I think the goal has to be meaningful to you, in order to truly dedicate yourself to it. I also think you have to have some fun along the way to make up for the times when it's not enjoyable, the times when you've had only five hours' sleep and it's five in the morning and you wake up with a headache and it's cold and rainy out and you have to go out anyway and just push through. You have to get enjoyment out of being in shape, of competing at your best level of performance, and in the training itself. Some days you know you're having a great workout, your paddle is flowing through the water just right and your technique feels like it's right on, and the boat is moving fast. It's like being on top of the world.

Greg Barton The Barton Mold

And the goddess Nike saith,

All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you're not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. They will tell you no, a thousand times no, until all the no's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. And you will tell them yes.

:) It's been a while since Jiaolian's said to me, "再快就可以飞起来了" (Any faster and you can take off). I really treasure that, kept grinning into space today :D But he had to make it a bit (-.-) by saying "哎呀，省了吧，除非你参加国家队" when I asked him how I can continue rowing after Nats. I'm sure lah! 1)I don't think I can cut it and 2)I'm not a citizen.. Ah well, we WILL set up a RJC ALUMNI! RIGHT??

CTs in less than 40hours! No trng for close to a week! ggX____X please. I'll watch videos everyday so I won't forget how to row.. But I'm glad for the break, my left lats is in very bad shape, it's painful even if I'm just lying down. Pray for me? :)

神的孩子都在跳舞

2007-06-20T21:14:00.000+08:00

只因我为爱而生
只因为我为爱而生
我来到这个世界
这个人生为你而生存

只因我为爱而生
因为我为爱而生
就让我越爱越疯
越陷越深越执著的灵魂

为爱而生五月天

Today is Chinese Wednesday-- hence the lyrics above! Let's see how much of it you can still read.. X) Anyhoo, It was also Canoe Cell Wednesday! :) I think the lyrics very appropriate for us, we love because He first loved us!

:) PB-ed TWICE THIS WEEK ZOMYGOODNESS First __28 on Monday, then __18 today for 2k! That's 12s off the target I'd set for myself and 23s off my last PB! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Haha I never thought that this could happen! Madness I tell you. Kept having to check with JiaoLian that it wasn't a problem with his stopwatch :D Daren't even dream of this kind of timing before..

THANK YOU GOD for the lift!! Sure felt good flying with You through the waters :) Thank You sooo much for blessing me so unexpectedly. I didn't think my prayer will be answered so quickly! Thank You for blessing her too! And yes, as Hannah said, we will trust in Your perfect timing :)

Mann I feel like I can take on the world at this point in time :D Heyhey this is proof that size really doesn't matter right? I may be vertically challenged but on God's shoulder's I'm taller than anyone else in the world! Yeah!

Aiight I will conquer Math, E Lit and C Lit too! :)

On the bus home, as I recalled the image of you tearing when we sang You Alone, I felt my heart seize. I think you're really strong to be able to keep your chin up even while shouldering these other burdens you didn't have to take on if you chose not to.. Stay strong girl! Everything's gonna be all-right in the end :)

But believe and you will seeThat there's no reason to doubt

2007-06-17T18:48:00.000+08:00

Admist all the heavy hearted mugging and hardcore training, I bring to you.. a video post! Watch the first 2 to have a good laugh, and save the last for a good cathartic cry.

Watch out for Dalma Benedek from Hungary! She's superduper cool!:) (comes on at 2.52) So is Natasa Janics actually, tho she's a tad more emotional.. but still very pretty! And Hannah should love her cos she seems to like pink a lot. :D

Project 110 has been going rather smoothly-- I had a good timetrial on Sat and unexpected revelations on how to improve my efficiency :) Thank You! Like I said, this past week or so training has been more about strengthening mental resilience for me.. Been conditioning myself to get use to those make or break moments in a race-- like when all of you are neck-to-neck, do you decide to drop out from the real race? Or do you hold out? Needless to say, only the latter option yields positive results.

..Actually, I believe it's in all of us, the strength and endurance it takes to be the last one standing, the ability to bring glory to God. It's just whether you decide to trust in your Unfailing Back-up that makes the difference :)

Lyrics provided by LyricsMode

OHOH! I now know how a muffin sounds like. Some imagination you have, Ray! Tho I might agree if it was a squishy muffin, like you know, those that ooze chocolate when you squeeze them. (>.<)

Escapade

2007-06-14T15:42:00.000+08:00

Yayy second escapade to Orchard in a week, no make that a month, oh wait how about a YEAR? Haha! Kudos to my run-away partners Van and Jave! <3
What I've learnt:
1 Takes about 45 mins to run from RJ to Orchard Far East-- that's only 20mins more than a bus ride down!
2 You can survive in Singapore with just a EZ link card-- especially if you don't mind having Evil Macs for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday!

YAYY:)

"Reflection is key to ~~Confucius-esque thinking~~ vanity."

2007-06-10T11:23:00.001+08:00

I'm still having trouble with the Cymbeline poster. Am absolutely sick to death with having to revise it over and over again and still not capture what it should be about. We just don't click for some reason. Short of reading the entire play myself, I dun think I'd really understand what it's all about, but where do I find the time? All the other posters are fine and pretty well received but this one.. Sigh. I guess I'd just have to force my way thru somehow.. (crosses fingers) In the meanwhile, there goes my plans to finish revising my 唐诗s and 宋词s.

He's Already Finished Strong

2007-06-08T21:38:00.000+08:00

Had it down in my schedule to do Dr Faustus yesterday and today but no notes to study from. I wish everyone could be a little more helpful when it comes to this kinda stuff, like sharing notes and all. You've prepared it already so why not share it? And it's not like it's a one-way contribution.. Sigh.

Oh well. So I basically spent this 2 days wrestling with Application of Differentiation. It's the one topic I really can't stand, losing only by a minor margin to Integration. Rahh.
And I caught up with sleep. And watched the entire My Girl series. GGXX after 16hours of Korean drama my head is filled with all kinds of fluff no wonder I couldn't do math.. And I'm incoherent to boot. Oh joy.

I declare today Haiku Friday:
I really hate math
As much as I hate smokers
They both stink like crap.
Wonder if I can submit that for the poem comp Mr P is forcibly excouraging us to take part in? Hmm. Bet I can achieve "immortality" status. It will be the anthem of lost youths :D

ANYWAY, training tomorrow :) Onward with project 110! I have no fear and nothing to lose! :)

Clear the way for
One who is worthy
One who is worthy of
All my praise, He's
Already finished
Already finished strong
I have seen the way this story's going to end
I have seen who's already won

The last one standing wants it more
Finding there's something worth fighting for
We're gonna be the last ones standing here
Last One Standing MercyMe

Flowers in the Window

2007-06-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

Yayy today's rows were the perfect kick-start to Project 110 :) Everything was just marvy, the hard rows, the bursts and sneaky k1s giving me a run for my money :} Was so superduperly pumped up I was ready to take on more killer land sets after water, so imagine my ~~disappointment~~surprise when Muddy told us we were going to have a 'team massage' session instead :D

Well everything was fine other than Jo being a horny monkey (>.<) Seriously, I never knew that ape can think so dirrty.. am horrendously traumatised. "Later too exciting and sweaty the patch wont stick." FAINTS. I do not need to know the intimate details to what you've got planned in the way of family planning OK??? Tut tut tut. Let's try a bit of decency now and then shall we? This way maybe only the whole earth's population less one will know about your brown underwear with pink rabbits. (-.-)

Anyways I deserve a pat on my back! Not just because I managed to not feed Jo to the Phantom Crocodile of Macritchie, but because.. I AM STILL AWAKE! And I intend to stay that way until I finish my Complex Numbers revision exercise and revisit Market Structure. >:)

There is no reason to feel bad
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad
It's just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
But I am here to help you with the load

.. I think I'm developing a complex from doing Complex -- inferiority complex. ggX___X.

Goodbye, halcyon days.

2007-06-02T20:21:00.000+08:00

Busy week,
revised:
Math -- Poisson, Normal
Chinese Lit-- One short story
MicroEcons -- Theory of the firm
Eng Lit -- THT and 1984 (In progress)
..outstanding work: One Chinese short story.
I'd even managed to squeeze in mummy's birthday dinner yesterday! :) Happy Birthday Mummy! I really thank God for you. You are the strongest woman I know, overcoming your operation and diabetes the way you did.. Mann.. I need look no further for inspiration daily! I'm sorry for all the times I was unreasonable, all the times I've let you down, all the times we've argued over my future.. I don't know how you do it, forgiving me like you always do :) Here's to many more years of love and health!

..So, yep busy week, it's basically train, bathe, eat, study (no more naps on weekdays!), light evening training on some days, trudge home, bathe, eat, study, sleep EVERYDAY! But we'll pull through on the strength and endurance and wisdom that He blesses us with, and we'll crush some dreams. ;) I like that.

Anyhoo,
For a moment as I rowed today, I imagined myself above the water, above it all, riding on His shoulders. It was.. uplifting :) Thank You.

I will not be afraid
I will not be dismayed
I am not alone
Your rod and staff they comfort me

Of course it's to be expected. Everyone wants the gold, so at this point, it doesn't really matter if you want it anymore than anyone else. Everyone's putting in that extra bit of effort for the last burst. We are all equal as of now. So.. What will take us the extra mile?

Faith. I will not forget how it's like to row purely for You. To have no fear. And in the days to come that will be something I'll have to draw on constantly. Nobody said it'll be easy. I've given my heart and soul for the past 2 years --even my mum acknowledges this and is finally showing me her support, I WILL NOT let any lapses of faith screw up this last leg. Because I am a coward at heart. I am afraid, terribly afraid. I know I can't face up to that feeling of regret that is sure to come if I don't go all out.

I cannot be defeated
I cannot be destroyed
I am not alone.

I'm really grateful for how caring Jiaolian can be sometimes. He told me he only expects my 80% today because I'm still coughing (but of course I forget that from time to time). Come monday, it's Goodbye, halcyon days :)

And this is a promise, Yang, 110 on all fronts. I'd expect nothing less. At the same time, be very alert, be ready to catch yourself out if you feel yourself sinking. Remember what it's like to ride on His shoulders.

Godspeed.

So Long and No Thanks for all the FishPoisson

2007-05-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

I HATE POISSON!! YOU STUPID NO-LIFER (haha he's dead right?) YOU! I NEVER DO ANYTHING TO YOU WHY YOU COME AND MAKE MY LIFE DIFFICULT! RAHH!!

Just when I was giving myself a pat on my back for having made sense of all the examples in the lecture notes, the tutorial had to come and own my ass. WHAT THE POISSON?!

NEVERMIND. At least I had a good row this morning in spite of all the coughing fits and breathlessness. Thank You for looking after me :)

Anyhoo, some replies here so I can avoid spamming my own tagboard:
@Ray: Umm nothing in particular.. I've wanted to rant about it for sometime actually :D
@Java: I'll be ready with a camera when you do that! :E
@Man: Not angst lah, can't be bothered to waste my energy angsting nowadays, too much work to do and trainings!! :D
@ET: All those stupid premature 'matures' (>.<)

2007-05-25T21:16:00.000+08:00

Excuse me for an entry, I am going to rant some. So if it hasn’t been your day and you don’t feel like you’ve got the patience to listen to some stupid git rant, I’m going to give you 6 words’ grace. Stop reading right here, go away. Or if you’re the choosy kind and absolutely have to exercise your democratic rights by demanding to know what you’re signing up for if you decide to keep reading, I am going to rant about underage drinking, yes UNDERAGE DRINKING ok? OR if, unlikely, you decide you’ll just listen to me rant anyway because you are generous and kind of heart, and you, unlikely, decide that you agree with my point of view after my tirade, please feel free to hang around and defend me against those who are.. not for me.

Ok so, UNDERAGE DRINKING. You know what I think? I think we won’t have problems with underage drinking if there wasn’t such a thing as underage drinking in the first place. How’s that for a topic sentence? Succinct huh?

Now let me elaborate on the cause of this rant. I get absolutely riled by people around me who think that drinking is the utmost manifestation of their coming of age. Mention the word ‘alcohol’ and their eyes light up, they go on a name-sprouting contest, presumably to demonstrate their mature knowledge in the field of fermented drinks. They speak of drinking like some elite activity. They treat fellow underage drinkers with respect and declare them the people with the biggest hips (and the uninitiated, Immature, or Mummy’s Kid). Of course, I am fully aware of the shameful fact that I am committing the fallacy of aggregation here but WHATEVER this is a rant ok? I am SUPPOSED to EXAGGERATE when I rant so excuse me, and take this with a pinch of salt. But don’t pinch too much, I’m sure you’d come down with something.. Uh kidney failure I believe, which is what you’d get too if you drink too much, I believe?

I bet you’re thinking “Oh listen to Miss Hoity-Toity preach! She thinks she’s all that!” Yeah well, you know what? I’d be the first to admit I’m not the perfect daughter (And my mum agrees vehemently on the sidelines). I hate playing “Follow the Leader” just as much A. N. Other and I’ve done things I’m terribly ashamed of (So ashamed I can’t bear to give you any examples.. Ok fine, I’d give you one just so you know I’m not a freak: I have in recent times, become what Ray terms a “PONstar” -- though I am actually sick for the past week!). BUT I HATE REBELLING WITHOUT A CAUSE. So if you’re drinking simply because you think you’re being rebellious and therefore by definition, cool, I ask, rebellious against what??? The System? Hello, newsflash, NOBODY CARES! They’ll just give you and your parents a couple of warnings, fine you a couple of grands and maybe, if they bother themselves to be concerned, throw you into some home or other, END OF STORY, no headlines, no publicity ok?

Or perhaps you’re drinking to drown your sorrows. Well I say, Congratulations on being in possession of such a sensitive soul, but (com’on you knew that darned word’s coming right?) BUT what sorrows have you, a teenager, compared to a tax-paying, bill-paying, 9-5 desk-job-toiling adult? Existential angst? Relationship problems? Hmm, valid reasons perhaps, but let’s just say I look at the number of letters addressed to my parents from Singtel, Starhub, Singapore Power, AIA, Whatever & Co every week and dread, with much shaking of knees, the day I really grow up. So save the pubbing for that day, why don’t you? You’d need your kidneys more then.

Anyway I don’t think it’s purely the fault of us teenagers either. So I’d like to suggest to the powers that be, just a tiny, inconsequential suggestion, that perhaps we will all live in a more harmonious and happy society if there were no laws against underage drinking in the first place! I am sure you know how subversive teenagers are, or think we have to be anyway. So by making it illegal to drink when you’re under 18, you make it something to hanker after, stupid! You create an aura of mystique, a je-ne-sais-quoi for drinking and it becomes.. a Cleopatra to our Anthonys, if you get my drift. Same goes for underage smoking, underage clubbing, underage sex, underage anything for that matter.. Geez!

I’ve never felt the thirst for a drink before I hit 18 and have no plans to go on a pubbing spree come 12th July either, because you know what? I can drink anytime I want in my house just that I’ve never felt the need for it! My parents buy Bailey’s when they’re in the airport’s DFS because I’ve said I like the taste once and they (the bottles of Bailey’s, not my parents) stand unopened on the shelves. Back in China, when the whole family gathers in Ah Gong’s dinning hall for reunion dinners, all the kids are handed wee glasses of wine so that we can join in the festivities. Both sides of my family are very lax about drinking rules but I haven’t seen anyone who’s felt the need to abuse that right yet! Mayyybe there’s something to learn from my humble little family, you reckon? No mystique = No Curiosity = No kill the cat. Ja?

GRAH. Why’s the world becoming increasingly messed up every time I wake up from a sleep? This is sadness.

I wonder how many friends I’d still have after this. Hmmm.

And while I’m still given the airtime to rant, I HATE COPYCATS. If you wanna borrow ideas, CREDIT! QUOTE! DARNIT!

Sigh. I’m sorry. I think it comes off more angry in writing. I’m not pissed actually, in fact I’m feeling like a slacker right now. I gotta get all the slack out of my system before I dive into work see? :D

Geek Technosexual Art

2007-05-20T20:27:00.000+08:00

< l a u g h >
< / l a u g h >

Still Frames

2007-05-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

Photos are up! Click this way.

Some highlights just for laughs:

Our resident ditz and PUNditz doing a Hannah #2! ;)

Us at National Stadium Theatrette for 'This is the Sea' and creating a racket :D No Jo, I didn't say 'creating a rocket'. Anyways, sea kayaking is c001 (I type like a true ~~geek~~ technosexual.. not)! And so is walking across the National Stadium (it deserves some respect so I capitalised N and S). Tho I have to admit I was rather disappointed at how small it looks from the field, which is really odd cos usually you'd feel overwhelmed just standing in the spectators' stands..hmm. Anyways, interesting people were there in the rather small audience! Like Gideon who was ET & my OBS instructor (obviously not my pale green SJI boat lah!) :)

Jo getting lucky outside Lucky Plaza :D Now now MissHearing Problem, I asked if you "Liked it" not "LICK it"!

I have a knack for capturing people at their most unglam. This is Jave the revolutionary. She's shouting at the NYDC staff to "HURRY UP AND FEED THE CANOEISTS! or I'll show you some arm power!"

..And here's Canoob Jave reporting for duty! Technosexual to the core! :E <-- simplified form of the funny emoticon she always uses, the one with all the teeth sticking out

Heehee. I better train up my reflexes to catch the rotten tomatoes coming my way..

Speaking of fruits, DRIED CRANBERRIES ARE LOVE!!! I CRAVE!

An Invitation

2007-05-17T08:41:00.000+08:00

Here's the NWKC post.. Still not v coherent but it's the best I can manage :D V v v loooong, you've been warned!
__________
13 May:

:) What a day!

First, foremost and most importantly, THANK YOU GOD for being with me all the way! Also for letting me realize that I can live a worry-free life as long as I surrender it all :)
Let me just share what I went thru in the past weeks so that you will see in the end why today’s results are so important to me, and why it’s a milestone in my relationship with God: Basically, I had been struggling thru all my trainings in the past 2 weeks. Partly because I was in quite a bit of physical pain.. 1) I’d strained my right thigh about a month back and it still hasn’t healed. Actually, to be honest, I refused to give it a chance to heal because I was worried that my cardio would suffer if I stopped running. 2) My sole got attacked by a splinter at macritchie so it was really hard to move around too.. 3) Strained the left side of my lower back doing max rep lats row during a trng something like 2 weeks back? It would cramp up real tight whenever I flex it, like when I’m carrying boats or when I’m rowing. 4) This one is kinda stupid, strained my left bicep last Friday because I was spamming pull-ups at home.. It’s stupid because I was only doing that since I was feeling guilty for taking a break from school :P

Yup, so as you can see, wasn’t in the best of conditions during trainings, particularly the water ones. And so because my timings weren’t superb and Jo was being such a big threat, I was really really low in morale. Could feel myself sinking into this quicksand and the more I struggled, the more anxious I got, the deeper I sunk. Can still remember one of the trainings last week when Jo beat me for one of the 500s and at the end of the day when I asked Jiaolian what I should work on, he pointed at his head and said, “Relax more, you’re giving yourself too much pressure.” He got my problem spot on. All week I’d been feeling really.. claustrophobic, like I’d jumped into a well and I’m desperately treading water to get back to the surface and grab what I thought I had to achieve for NWKC to be answerable to God, the team, Jiaolian and myself. I was trying to hold onto to many things at once and pushing myself in so many directions. Yet thru it all, God was good and patient with me. He reminded me of His faithfulness constantly, from keeping me going during that 7 X Killer slope run I’d blogged about to sending taxis along when I’m desparately late.. Little things that I prayed about, He’d answer :) Unfortunately, after I’d marveled at His goodness, I’d go back to worrying about the goal I’d set for myself and wondering how on earth I was going to achieve it. You know I’m stubborn like that :D

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. (Romans 8:18 – 20)

Then on Wednesday morning, we were having canoe cell and I shared this verse that I found, “Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:12-13) And Jo asked, “What if they have the same verse as you?” To be honest, I’d given this some thought previously but only in passing. However, when I gave her my answer, it sort of stuck itself in my conscience.. yknow what I mean? Anyways, this is what I told her, “Yes, but see, the thing about being ‘living sacrifices’ is that you have to surrender your life fully to him (and hence it’s not a once-off, ohdear-here-comes-the-butcher-knife-I-wanna-crawl-off-the-altar kinda thing) and accepting His will as it is, even if I were to lose to ________, I will try (really hard I should add, it’s definitely not easy :S) to accept it because who knows? Maybe I’d helped her realize that she can depend on God. And so in that way, I’d realized His plans for me.” And from then on, I realized that this really should be my focus: to trust in the Perfect Plan rather than holding on stubbornly to my selfish hopes and dreams.. As in He knows how much medals mean to me, but whatever that’s God’s will, just let it be! Perhaps He’s got something greater in store for me later on.. That said, what’s more important is that I shouldn’t let it stay just as talk, I have to live it too. That’s why by Friday, even tho I just barely survived 2 really crap water trngs, I decided to really let go and let God :)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God. … And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. (Romans 8:28 – 30)

But that’s not the end of the story. On Saturday, while I was slacking around after doing some work, I realized I shouldn’t be so laissez-faire tho. I have to put in my best because God’s got faith in me to carry out His will! It’s all about Stewardship..The very thing Ironwoman Ms Lim shared about during canoe camp :) Haha so I was in a very positive frame of mind by then.. I knew that as long as I dedicated myself to being a good vessel for doing God’s will, everything will be all right :)

When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” … “But Lord,” Gideon asked, how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together. (Judges 6:12, 15 –16)

If I were to say I never felt the slightest tinge of nervousness today, I would be lying. I am not so strong spiritually as to remember all of God’s lessons all the time so self-doubt does set in sporadically. I think the final race is the best example of this. From the moment I saw the line-up to the moment the start-line official sounded the horn, I seriously thought I should just expect a 4th placing (See? There it is again, my own expectations).. I merely managed enough sanity to utter a prayer to God to bless me with the strength I need to do His will. That gave me some peace as we aligned the boats for the start of the race. Unfortunately, when I soon saw that I haven’t managed to break out from the formation after the start bursts, I could feel the familiar negativity seeping in.. But God is faithful as always, He reminded me of how I wanted to row for Him and Him alone. So I started singing to myself (ok I was more like repeating these lines: “This is for You ‘cause you died for me/ And I wanted to show You how much You mean” and “Jesus I decide to live/ Live a life that shouts Your fame”) and just enjoyed the row. I dare say my peripheral vision actually vanished for a good 150m or so! All I felt was exhilaration, from knowing that my paddle was catching water properly, that Gideon Jnr was gliding (or as much as a T1 can glide anyway), and that I only had to answer to God at the end –not knitted brows can faze me, no curt words can hurt me anymore :) So it sort of came as a shock when I realized that I’d pulled away as we neared the finish line, I almost expected someone to overtake me soon! :D

This is for You :)

..So that was the race; I don’t think I’d ever forget that feeling of absolute focus, of what it’s like to just lay down my fears and believe in His power. When I got back, I tried to figure out why He’d let things go the way they did and I think I’ve got an inkling..

You see, at some point in time, it crossed my mind that I’m going to row for you too. Because I wanted to show you what faith can do when it’s placed in the right thing. God loves you and He can’t bear to see you wearing yourself out fighting you own battle anymore. He wants to bless you with so many things! And I can see you already, going forth in life, fulfilling His callings using the talents He’s given you at birth –your ability to sympathise and encourage others, your love for the environment—to build up His kingdom on earth.

Right now, God is inviting you to experience His love and live for Him, because in Him is eternity. Living to create an earthly legacy is short-sighted; you weren’t put on earth to be remembered by people, what is the probability of that anyway? Man’s passions are flitting; even if you’re remembered for a lifetime, will it last for all eternity? And without His help, you need a lot of effort to achieve that state of ‘immortality’, that’s why we burn out.. that’s why we break down. A wiser use of the brief time you have on earth is to dedicate it to a Purpose, His Purpose that prepares us for eternity. That is living for something, everything else merely requires you to exist. All you have to do is open your heart to Him because he stands ready at your side, just waiting for the moment when He can pour His love into you.. All you have to do is receive and believe! In fact it’s as simple as bowing your head now and whispering, “Jesus, I believe in you and receive you.” Go on, surrender yourself :) It’ll be the only surrender you need to make before you’re taken from glory to glory to glory :)

This feels Familiar

2007-05-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

Geez Yang get a grip, what makes you think...?
__________
12 May:
Grr stupid blogger's down, so I'm updating in this entry.. Anyways, race tmr! EXCITING YO! Haha, I'm feeling pretty alright condsidering.. anyways, I have a feeling it's gonna be a good day tmr! Yayy! :)
Don't be afraid people, it's a waste of energy :) GODSPEED!
__________
14 May:
GG Blogger is being such an ass!! Rahh. Anyways,
THANK YOU GOD!!:)
I wrote a more detailed but incoherent entry for NWKC in my journal :) When I've cleared all the fatigue-induced grammatical mistakes and stuff I'll post it up, so watch this space! :))

In the meanwhile, this song on my 'Race Day' playlist pretty much sums it up:

Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say

So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self

So Long SelfMercyMe

In other unrelated news, I AM AS HEAVY AS ELISA AND HANNAH WHO'RE BOTH TALLER THAN ME!! GG X________X I can go join TAF club now thanks..
...Ok lah, my only consolation is that when I asked my mum how heavy I look, she said 40+ :S

Haha, I think I'm coming down with something (ok maybe it's more psychlogical and I am just a victim of herd mentality-- why're so many people falling sick??) so I'm off to bed! Goodnight world :)

Keep the Faith, girl!

2007-05-05T20:25:00.000+08:00

I'm kinda tired of doing Lit Week poster.. BOO. The stuff I get from my researcher is.. educational, but not quite all I need to design a poster. Ahh well. 4 down, 2 more to go!

Water today was.. semi-good. My 1k was pretty alright, not quite PB yet but the best so far this year. 500s.. :{ The first one was pretty crap.. Lesson learnt: I've got to keep rowing while waiting for my turn to race. The second one was better but towards the end some stupid C2 tried to 'national day parade' with Gideon Jnr. I was pretty pissed. Ok make that VERY PISSED. And it dint help that some K2 from the same school rowed by me later without giving me warning and my paddle scraped practically the entire length of that boat. >:{ RAHH. Now it's receving some TLC from me at home. BUT WHATEVER, like I decided during the last of the start bursts, everything bad today stays in the water.. OK? Ok. Actually the MacR was looking very pretty this morning so I really shouldn't pollute it by leaving my anger behind.. but TOO BAAAAAAD!!
Oops, I kinda forgot for a moment that I'm supposed to be the eco-warrior here. :D

Anyways, pst-water sets made my day :) For the first time ever I could keep up with Jave for the whole killer-slopes run!! YAYYY Thank You! Haha cos we had to run it 7 times so we were like, ok this is for Night and Day, this is for the vegetation (I know, what a motivation! :D), this is for the living creatures... and last but not least, this is for the day of REST! But as it turned out we kinda got the order and stuff wrong, as I just found out while reading the Bible. The last time I read Genesis was soooo loooong ago! :}
Then we went to the pull-up bars to do our pull-up sets (push ups for me, I strained my left bicep yesterday), and along came this cute little french boy! Ohmygoodness his eyelashes are so long when he looks up to the sky it reaches all the way to his eyebrows! Anyhoo I found to my dismay that my french has deteriorated to simple phrases like "Comment tu t'appelle?" Couldn't remember how to ask "How old are you?"! I think it starts with "Combien" and uh the rest.. haha. Talk about 'chicken trying to communicate with duck'! :D Ohoh and when Jave told him he's such a pretty boy, guess what he did? HE SMIRKED. (Does a Hannah) FAINTS.
Tut tut tut! :D

CANOE OUTING NEXT FRIDAY!!! Yayness. We're gonna watch This is the Sea at uh, National Stadium Theatrette? Someplace like that.. And before that we going for dinner! We haven't went out like this for a while! LOL I'm so excited because this will be the first time I can just hang out in ages.. Yes, sadly my life is pretty dry, or wet, if you get my drift. If I'm not trng, I'm at school (Haha yes, in that order!), or I'm sleeping, or stuffing my face.. Ohdear. But I'm not complaining at the mo! How can I with such hot babes for company! :D

Esprit de Corps

2007-04-30T20:25:00.000+08:00

Today, before we announced the new exco, as I stood on the track and looked upon the team gathered at the spectators' gallery, I felt a wave of.. I-can't-pinpoint-what sweep over me.

Nostalgia..? Was it a mixture of happiness, sadness and longing? Mmhmm. Everyone looked so radiant in the sunset, red and shining with sweat. Hard to imagine that 15months or so have passed.. Well, as they say, time flies when you're in good company..This is the best company I've ever kept. Still something like 7 months left to my JC life (and I'm still hurtling towards A Big Unknown. Nevermind, it's all in His capable hands.), yet I already know with an inexplicable finality that when I look back on these days 10, 20 years down the road, it's these smiling faces I will rememeber most vividly.

Was there an element of pride too? Definitely. We've built this team together, literally with blood, sweat and tears. Oh yes, I will never forget the tears. We've grown so accustomed to each other we're not afraid of displaying our rawest emotions in full view of everyone, safe in the knowledge that there're always ready, outstretched arms to cushion our falls. We've, to put it emphatically, been thru shit together, and look at how we've thrived, look at how we've grown both physically and mentally (and even spiritually)! Just like the little plants I often see growing in between cracks in the wall, pavement, anywhere with the slightest hint of fertile soil.. we've battled the odds. A college environment that dares you to dream, that is our fertile soil. Yet, ironically, constraints in funding, rigid adminstrative rules, disapproving parents &c, these are the concrete weights over our heads. Nevertheless, the love in this team and the collective passion we have for what we do are the nutrients from which we draw our strength. Recently, a friend commented that it's just so incredible how all of us can be so dedicated towards canoeing that we all try to train more than what's 'prescribed'. I thought about it for a while and realised she's right, it is incredible. We're not talking about just a handful of enthusiastic individuals here but a whole team of maniacs! We all have this mutual attitude of diligence, this innate stubbornness to push for that extra 10% during trainings. When we screw up any lats pull down, lats row, whatever, we do extra to make up for it! We're all of us insane! On the other hand (tho it doesn't make much difference 'cause it's similarly calloused), do you know how precious that is? That determination to fight for our dream, that determination to cross the buoys with no regrets.. It isn't easy to earn my respect, I don't think, but everyone in this team has, and will keep it too. You have also shown me that the human heart is capable of possessing great amounts of love and still be genuine. I used to think it's meaningless to have more than a couple of best friends because beyond that you can't really mean the care and concern you show towards others. Now I can't bear the thot of us going our separate ways in pursuit of our future! (So it seems like I haven't really outgrown my selfishness huh? :))
..Personally, I really want to thank God for this blessing. It must have been His grace at work in bringing together such a team where everyone complements each other so well. Jave's got it spot on, "I don't think I'll ever want to work and sweat with anybody else but this team. And it's like all of us run on the same frequency! All 12! Sometimes I don't even know my classmates and they're only a group of 5 or so.."

The prospect of what is to come in 70+ days --we'll be hanging up our paddles for the final time (tho not for me, I hope), heading for the library instead of the gym, hitting our books hard instead of the weights in the gym-- is somewhat depressing actually. But let's just say I both dread and can't wait for it. Sentimentalities aside, this is IT. So we've added 17 new teammates to this relay, but it's not time to hand over the baton yet --we have our final stretch to run. The final burst. Our show.

The important thing now is to stay focused on the race. I believe we all want to finish the race such that we can say we've put up the best fight we could muster. And that we've kept the faith, in both God and the team.

For the final burst-

Be Strong, Believe.

2007-04-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine,
Till you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Yeah, these twisted turns of fate
Times falls away
Yeah, but these small hours,
These small hours
Still remain

Yeah, They still remain
These little wonders
All these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders
Still remain
Little Wonder Rob Thomas

Trng was good today, thank God. I know I wasn't in OPS yet when we took timings for my event so..:) Since there's no such thing as the perfect race, man can only go faster!
And the 10X killer slopes.. That was a real test of faith and mental strength; spent 4 rounds debating over whether I should just stop at 7, yet I made myself see it thru. I'm glad I did, that final burst up the incline was the best I've ever done so far :)

!!!New Target: I can, must and will cut 10s (actually more like 7s I think) in 2 months.
Jiaolian says if I can do that, my prospects are pretty good :)

Very brief post, I'm heading off to own some math ass(ignment)! :E

Think BIG

2007-04-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

Wahh I really owned myself this week, my arms have never felt so sore for a loooooong time. But it's a good feeling I guess, even tho I planned to train much more, I know I have done all that I physically can already so.. :) (Attempts to pat my own back but finds out painfully that it can't be done.)
Everywhere I look, I see people fighting for their dreams and it inspires and sustains me :) Keep going people! It can't get any tougher but you can! :)

And dear You, thank You for bringing me thru this week Lord, I don't think I could have kept myself going without the knowledge that I can draw on Your strength anytime and anywhere. And You will never fail me. I wanna apologise for all the times I've tried to be my own warrior and fight my own battle, because now I know that being your soldier is so much better :) Like I told Manda, I've realised that I haven't been making progress trng-wise because all along I've been trying to handle everything on my own, hence the fatigue and the burn-outs and the embarrasingly slow timings. I pack only 50kg in this 1.56m tall frame, of course whatever energy I have, whatever I gain artificially -- thru consuming endless bars of chocolate &c -- it's all gonna be used up soonish. But God, He is so much bigger, so inconceivably huginormoous, and He offers us His everlasting strength with outstretched hands. We don't have to run after Him before He blesses us with it. With anything for that matter.. The other day I was reading Matthew, and this verse just jumped out at me, will post the King James version here because the lit student in me finds it so much more beautifully expressed:

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
(Matthew 6:26)

..And I remembered a line from one of the New Creation Church worship songs,

.. Grace I've received,
Not worked for, unearned.

:) One final verse for Manda,

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
(John 16:33)

Go Jack the Bean Stalk!

2007-04-21T18:21:00.000+08:00

20 Apr 07_
On the way home today I saw a shadow of myself in this little girl from ATS. She looks something like how I used to when I was a kid, tall for her age (Yes it's hard to imagine isn't it? I used to be one of the tallest in lower primary!) and.. not skinny, but lean, the kind of build that tells you she loves to run, jump, skip, whatever, just generally being active and stuff. In fact, she was wearing a red ATS T&F shirt with a white towel slung over her right shoulder and held 2 silver trophies in her hands. Yet she was just kind of walking along in a pensive mood, you know those tell-tale gestures? Looks into the distance as she replies to her chatty friend, vague smiles.. and when they went their separate ways, she walked with her eyes on the ground (But not quite like how Elisa does it, just you know, fixed on some spot 2metres away). The freakiest thing was how she climbed the slope that leads up to our apartment blocks, using the exact same route I chose everyday! I have NEVER seen anyone else do that, seriously, 'cause the way I chose isn't exactly the most convenient, though rather more exciting :} Here's an illustration of it:

(1) We avoid the long and monotonous climb up the path laid out for residents with the railings at the side and shelter overhead to deviate off onto the concrete where you're clearly not meant to walk, and
(2) she STEPPED ON THE EXACT SAME SLAB OF STONE I ALWAYS STEP ON with THE SAME DELIBERATE CARE!
(3) By the time she started climbing the grassy slope I was grinning away because somehow I knew exactly where she was going to go next..
(4) And lo and behold, she walked on the rectangular pieces of concrete laid out to form a path to the void deck of my apartment block!

The pink path is the route that other residents take. There used to be some who would climb the grassy slope (3) but not anymore since the No Entry sign's been put up. The orange route is exclusive, as far as I know, to me and this little girl :D Since we're on the topic of probability for math, let me demonstrate academic rigour by using probability to prove meself (Oh dear this sounds so Mr P_rvis):

Let A be the event that residents chose not to take the proper path
B -- what's described in (2) i.e. stepping on that slab of stone
C -- climbing the grassy slope
D -- what's described in (4)
P(A)=0
Therefore, P(A n B n C n D)=0 since they're dependent events.

Yayy Mr T_o should be so proud! :]

.. So for one surreal moment as I walked behind her, I felt like I was watching myself. How can someone I've never met till today be so similar to me in so many ways? Anyway, I hope she discovers canoeing someday, have a feeling she'll love it as much :)
___
Speaking of canoeing, I think I'm not cut out for 1000s :C Cos like when I switch into maintenance mode, my mind tends to wonder off on its own even as my hands continue to move.. 500s are different, you know everything has to be all out and it's just burstmaintainburst before the race is over, so you kinda force yourself to get into the zone more quickly and stay there so that nothing distracts you, not even big waves and imba wash. Stillll, it's no excuse, I'll just have to learn to focus.
Reckon practicing math probs might help? :D
___
Got tagged by ETee! :D

A is for age
17

B is for booze of choice
I don't drink! Haha but Bailey's are <3

C is for career
I could do a Mr P and go, "To those of you who know english, to career means to rush forward!" :D
Okok, it's gotta be advertising!! Pls pls pls let me land a job with the big names, like Saatchi&Saatchi :}

D is for your most dreaded
Bean stalked on the way to school :S Now I avoid bus number 54 like the plague! Ask Manda, the one time I was stupid enough to venture onto that bus, I had to make a distress call to her so that I can talk to her and not the bean stalk for the entire way to school :D

E is for essential item
My trusty Nalgene bottle, affectionately named the Ultimate :) Tho I've been harbouring thots of getting a new pretty orange one of the same model of late *ahemHintHintahem* :}

F is for favorite song at the moment
I'm still Here Vertical Horizon

G is for favorite games
Ermmm..Canal Control on my mum's (now mine) phone. And the other one's got a very long name: Finish-25meters-in-10-Strokes, I play it about 80X6 times every water training :D

H for hometown
Hmm. As in the place I was born/raised in right? So ~~Singapore~~ various provinces in China.. I was always travelling back and forth between my maternal and paternal extended families when I was a wee kid.

I is for indulgence
Only one? Ok I'd say B&J's Chunky Monkey over dark chocolates (tho if it were Anthon Berg's, it's a different story altogether! :D)

J is for favorite flavor of juice
Red apple-Orange PLUS SALT! :D As far as I know, only Van shares my passion, I wonder why.. Hmm.

K is for kids
The BPSS kids whom I tutor for CIP! :)

L is for last hug from husband
(-.-) The last time I checked, I'm still single.

M is for years of marriage
(-.-) Ditto.

N is for name of your crush
I'm a Canoeist, not a Judoka! And so I wash, not crush :D

O is for overnight hospital
When I was born?

P is for Phobia
Spraining my ankle / Seeing other pple twist their ankle, is painful is cringe-inducing is scary :S

Q is for quote
At the moment, "It's the 11.59pm moment of your life. It's turning over to 12. 12 is dark, but it's a new day."

R is for biggest regret
14/07/06, but that's in past tense.

S is for status
Huh? Online?

T is for time you wake up
0640, but ever since I found myself bean stalked I wake up at 0610 so that I can get to school some other way :S

U is for underwear
(-.-) Perv much?

V is for vegetable you love
HIGH-FIVE ELISA I LOVE BROCOLLI TOO!! And Sambal KangKong/Brinjal, but that'll have to wait -- No spicy food for now! :)

W is for worst habits
According to my mum?
1)Dashing out of the house without finishing breakfast, without fail. :P
2)"How do you study with your desk so cluttered and messy?!!" Haha, but it's easier to find my stuff like this! Besides, it's all v. subjective and there are many tables/flat surface around the house.. :P
3)Umm.. I take super loooong to bathe "for someone so short" (>.<) Welll by extension, the water droplets from the sprinkler take very long to reach me what! Haha okok actually it's because I do stupid things like lathering the floor and pretending it's a skating rink, or because it just feels super good to have hot water splattering on my aching muscles after trngs :)

X is for x-rays you've had
Twice, both on the right foot and right ankle

Y is for yummy food you make
UHH.. Cheese omelette? :}

Z is for zodiac sign
Snake/Cancer

I TAG: CheR!! :) And anyone who needs a break..

2007-04-19T11:00:00.000+08:00

OHMYGOODNESS I AM ABOUT TO GIVE THAT DISGUSTING PERSON A GOOD CANOEIST BEATING GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!
I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL IN PEACE EVERY MORNING DAMNIT!
$*%#
~~disgusting red faced monkey~~

You never know why you're aliveUntil you know what you'd die for

2007-04-14T19:48:00.001+08:00

I think I am the most tactless person on earth. But when I see someone going thru what I have gone thru, my heart just breaks, and I can't stop myself from doing all I can to hold her back from the same treacherous path. And in my eagerness to do so, I can become really harsh. So to you, and you know who you are, I'm sorry. Very sincerely so.

I guess I just wanna say this: believe in yourself. In the hard work you have put in, in the passion you have for what you do. Don't let your frustrations get in the way and mess up your plans. In the short term, you may not see any likelihood of lifting yourself above your current situation, but tell yourself this: everything I do now adds up -- every single stroke I make count, counts towards that final 300 / 600 I will row on race day, and every single fear I overcome and push aside makes me stronger against the pressure brought on by my opponents. Yes, we all feel frustrated when we don't row our best, but let it go, leave it in the water and hold your head high. It doesn't serve you favourably to let your emotions overcome you and make you act irrationally. When you feel like you're in danger of doing so, take a break and you'll be able to see more clearly and find out what's wrong more quickly. It's like.. like you've walked into an obstacle and if you're in a hurry to get to your destination, you'd get really frustrated. That's normal, but what not to do is to start hammering away at the obstacle and charging at it like a bull; if you could calm down, and take a step back, and look up, you'll see it's just a short wall that you could've flipped over easily.. Do you know what I mean? It's a stupid analogy, but yah..

So here's to the 3 of us, 01, 02 & 03! :) We'll get there, I know we will.

But because there is no such thing as the perfect race, man can only go faster. (One big splash and a reminder)

-*-

To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope

Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?
Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope

You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place
Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity, Lord
Here He comes
Hold Fast MercyMe

(Many thanks to my favourite ExtraTerrestial being for lending me the MercyMe CD! :))

OH AND I MUSN'T FORGET THIS:
THANK YOU GOD..
For my first A-level A -- for PW!! YAYYYYYYYYY!! :)
And for bringing me thru CT1 with a B in GP, B in E Lit, C in Chi Lit (Could've been B!! But it's ok, too great an improvement would be suspicious I guess.. HAHA), D in Econs, and S in Math (My bad for not practicing enough, admin's bad for arranging for Chi Lit and Math to be on the same day! :}).
YAYY not superb but I did put in a lot of hard work and mum knows that.. So my derrière is now firmly planted in Gideon Jnr 'cause she has too much respect for me now to kick me out ;) HAHA

Bestir(RED)

2007-04-08T19:26:00.000+08:00

I think I've been complacent for far too long.. it's even bordering on arrogance. Didn't see the threat coming, didn't expect it to come so soon.. But it's good that I see things a lot more clearly now :) I'm gonna pick up the pace! And it feels good to be holding on to something so solid, to wake up each day with a purpose in mind :)

This is for You, Lord, 'cause You died for me,
And I wanted to show You how much You mean to me.

Oh, I saw a pretty red Nelo the other day. Completely red! Just like the one I dreamt of last year :)

..At this point in time, I seriously cant imagine what it must be like to stop rowing. And to think that my last race will take place on the first day of my 18th year on earth! YAIKS. Won't let that happen if I can help it.. 'cause I think if I do end up in NUS, I'll still row :)

Raffles Row :)

2007-04-02T08:27:00.000+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens
us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Having seen you, you, you and you and you and you in action..What can I say? It was just amazing. And most importantly, truly inspiring :)
Now I am all pumped up for the next race! And the BIG one after that!

GO CANOOBS! I'm expecting many many presents "of the gold-plated kind" for my birthday! :)

In other news, practically half of us are fresh fruit fans (imba alliteration)! :}

Oh and I realised I havent blogged about canoe camp as promised, so here're the highlights :)
1. Of Pokemons and other weirdos (j/k!! :D)
So in true Creative Canoeist fashion, J1s and 2s were divided randomly into 4 biiiig groups which were named after (don't hold your breaths) Pokemons. (>.<) There was Pikachu (my group), Zapdos.. and uh I cant remember the other 2. Haha. And of course we were creatively licensed to come up with hilarious cheers like "P-I-K-A-C-H-U, Pikachu, I choose you! Nanny Nanny Poo POO!" Oh go on, laugh like you want to.. I did!
2. The return of the Homeys and Dawgs
We watched Coach Carter again (again for the canoobs anyways)! Yayy! :)
3. Implementation of the Senior-Pump-Junior 'tradition'
4. Run of Hopes and Dreams
Really have to take my hat off to Ber_ard and Smell for their creativity. This item turned out a lot better than expected! Got me thinking really hard about why I joined canoeing.. And I'm still not sure. Maybe it's because I really enjoyed my OBS sea expedition (even though it was 10hours long and we paddled against the current the whole course) and wanted more; maybe it's because I thought it would be really cool if I could one day don the Raf_les Canoeing jersey I caught a glimpse of 3 years ago in the MRT; maybe I'm just crazy; or maybe God led me here for a reason. To be taught lesssons in faith and love that I wont get elsewhere? I think that's the most likely reason. 'Cause seriously, I just gravitated towards canoeing without any clear motivations in mind.. And yes I stayed on "because I love the team and I love bursting". :)
5. J3 & J12s' visit! :)
Thanks Joo for inviting the J12s down! They're like the only adults who advocate training as hard as you mug! Why can't all of our parents be cool like that? :{ Anyways, had nice chats with J3 girls :) 3/4 of the T-squad reunited! Tracy's in M'sia I think.. And yes I do still owe Sarah B&J's ice-cream :D Just one question, do I get to pick the flavour? :} I hope you like Chunky Monkey! Here's a virtual cone in the meanwhile: C)>
6. SteamBOAT!
Was having a splitting headache by then (moral of the story, don't get high in the shuttle bus on the way to the restaurant and DON'T at all costs, get owned continuously by Ray :{), but sufficiently conscious to listen to Jo's monkey stories and Joo's York Notes-esque scene by scene psychoanalysis :} We are talking about 11 ~~love~~scandal-starved canoobs (ok, with the exception of Muddy who was busy protein-loading) sitting around in a circle of trust on red plastic stools, eyes wide with wonder at Jo's rants on the highly entertaining topic of cheemanzees! This is us on intensive gossip mode! Never thought I'd live to see this day :D
Yeah well, so basically, we had tons of fun, and I am sleepy, which is random, but to end off, here's pictorial evidence of how happy we were! And how messily we ate! :)

Esprit de Corps

2007-04-01T20:22:00.000+08:00

Esprit de Corps

2007-04-01T19:19:00.000+08:00

2007-03-25T15:08:00.000+08:00

Ohmygoodness I havent been online for soooo loooong I am lost in my own email inbox. :{
More about canoe camp when I've sorted thru the mess :)

Floored.

2007-03-17T11:06:00.000+08:00

Hang in there babes! This time next friday we'll be having some quality bonding time at caonoe camp!! :) And we can go Happy Squirrel Club at The Bar for as loooooong as we want. We can even sleep at the Playground! Reckon it'll be cooler than the hall :D

Aiight. I'd better get back to math. :{

But before I go, let me amuse you some with a classic moment in PoP:
So Shawna was telling us how she carried her bag with her when she was receiving the medal for Van and her ownage race at SICC, and going on about how malu it was. I tried to comfort her in the only way I know, (read: by being exceedingly witty duh!) and I said, "Well, you bagged the prize anyway!"

Elisa was clearly floored by that cos she was just one step short of rofl-ing. :}

He's got them in there crunching numbers!

2007-03-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

Who's got The Royal Tenenbaums on DVD or VCD??? I desparately want to watch it again! And the soundtrack!!! AHH

And you let it go, go

2007-03-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but I've been feeling very tired, very dizzy, very out of it since yesterday.
It's not just because I'm sick, I don't think.. It's everythink and nothing at once. It feels just like when I've spent all my energy and focus on a 2k timed race. And there's all this heat trapped under my skin which makes me sleep fitfully cos it's just so darned hot under the covers. And I don't have the appetite for proper food. Rice and fish and broccoli is boring (I'm so sorry mum! But thanks for the grapes..) I have random cravings for potato salad from the Western stall but the uncle is too miserly with the bacon bits.
Nothing feels solid. Nothing feels good. Everything takes flight too readily. And I just wanna bum around and do nothing.

Just let me have the next couple of hours to be myself, then I guess I'm ready to meet work head on.

Dear God, please take over. I'll move back into the passenger seat. I cant fly this plane, I don't know where to land.

Let it go
Daisy, let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
It doesn't hold your interest
It doesn't hold your soul
Daisy, let it go

Inside Joke

2007-03-04T01:00:00.000+08:00

I wanna rowwww :{

Anyway, since everyone has trouble understanding the ads from the pevious post, i shall do some explaining here. (tho this is rather like explaining your own joke, and takes the fun out of everything :\ oh and Elisa, i'm sure you cant get them! tut tut tut! :D)

Ok see for the Lego one, the crucial part is the tagline. Altho that only really matters if you've figured out that the Legos form a periodic table. Tagline says, "make anything", and science studs should know that when they're armed with elements from the periodic table, they can indeed "make anything", water, plastic, gold, whatever, only you cant make this advert anymore obvious or else it will become an insult to our intelligence ;)

The second one is a spoof of typical The Economist ads. Except that this time, instead of some thought-provoking quote, you have this female CEO saying that she's never read The Economist! Shock & horror! I WONDER how she made her way to the top then? Hmmm. (Haha ET it isn't that bad really, at least it's specific to one female in the ad and not like females as a whole.. I'd be fuming if they said something like, "Girls won't need The Economist with Wonderbra." :D)

Yup. There you go! :)
Aiight.. Just to test your understanding a little, here's another ad:

Let's see if you get the inside joke :}

Pulpy Girls and Party Scenes

2007-02-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

No time to update properly, so here're 2000 words in the form of 2 cool ads (think a picture=1000 words):
I love the subtlety :)
Apparently this is done by a Singaporean company! Woots! See, not everyone is as dumb as Mr/Ms One-Less-Reason-to-Diet :)

Kiddie Quicksand

2007-02-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

Read this Noogler's Noogle 101, Google employees seem to have the most job satisfaction :D

Ahh.. hands up those who'd like a large vat of brightly-colored plastic balls at the basement of block H! imagine the bliss as you dive into it from level 1m :}

2007-02-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

ooooohdrat bad timing BAD TIMING i'm hooked on Hana Kimi!
eeelllp! :S
disciplined i must be.

hohum, would you like some gum?

2007-02-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

ayyee! chinese new year break be badly spent. cant concentrate even if i'm suddenly inspired to get some work done cos it's sooo noisy! rahh andand the 肉干s are soooo tempting. eeellp!

OH FAINTS. i am sooo whiny :{

ah well. since math is too taxing, i'll do some lit instead :)

She could think of nothing more to say; but if he wished to converse with her, he might have better success. He stood by her, however, for some minutes, in silence; and, at last, he walked away.
...
‘Because you were grave and silent, and gave me no encouragement.’
‘But I was embarrassed.’
‘And so was I.’
‘You might have talked to me more when you came to dinner.’
‘A man who had felt less, might.’

Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen

P&P is the ultimate angst book. bahh. but it's the easiest thing to read when u're trying to hold on to ur sanity admist the incessant chatter of ur parents and their friends. :D (sorry elisa, The Unbearable Lightness of Being doesn't really cut it as light-reading.. looks like u wont be getting it back soonish :})
or alternatively, u could make more collages on photoshop :)

anyhow, looks like we're gonna have a family reunion at the end of this year in china! i'll be done with my A's, victor (cousin) will be done with his O's and his sister, PSLE. another cousin who's been in canada all this while will be back in hongkong then too :) lovely!

if i hear another 'you're so black!' comment i might.. uh.. 气得脸黑黑.

and yes, i do note the distinct lack of 'you've grown taller!' comments. hurumph. such brutal honesty.

take, take, take it all!

2007-02-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

<3 elisa to bits! :) babe u did a great job yah? despite the "fats (WAIT, WHAT FATS??) ahd tne murder ih tne swimmihg pool" ;) the 3k route was pretty.. exciting? haha! especially the botanical gardens leg. and ohmy the uphill was some killer. kept telling myself 'this must end somewhere, there's gonna be a downhill somewhere!' :) soo yup,

loves all around! :) and omggxx elisa your arms are humunginormous!!! and is that mr hippening-math-tutor i see in the bg?

anyways after take 5 (i took a week to figure out why 5.. :}) we went into town! had subway (crap i just rmbed that the cookie's still in my bag! :D) at lido before making our way to far east. havent been there in like 132242318 years! haha cos now when i'm orchard i usually head for wheelock or taka only. ahhh i really miss those times.. before tennis club starts on wednesdays, we used to go to far east for chicken rice, kfc, neoprints, window shopping, &c :) it was v v crowded today and the atmosphere's sort of changed. but the distinct stale air remains, they really should get better ventilators. :S ah well, one of the shops we visited was Crest, and i think we spent like a good 1hour in there? just plonked ourselves on the floor and started reading random books on dating and stuff. my book (Dateable?) was hilarious! ask, or go away :D elisa was very eager to get her manly hands on it, tsktsk! :}

hmm nice long break ahead! can catch up on sleep, music videos on youtube, uh.. and do more of that uh.. whatchamacalit? oh right school work.. yayyy! :)

I..
Why do you think we should suffer in silence?

[edit] oh yes! SAT results! :) 2070, 700+ for both critical reading and math, gg-ed for writing.. but i still wanna thank God :) for the first time, i could spot the careless mistakes before it was too late! haha. have a couple of months more to decide if i wanna take it again to improve the score for the writing component. hmmm.[/edit]

it's a cool place and they say it gets colder

2007-02-16T22:12:00.000+08:00

et- from the Lord my strength says:
nana, I doh't really care already so hvm
yangster; t-one-d! says:
yannn!! tnat's the spirit womah! wneeeee!
et- from the Lord my strength says:
wanana!
et- from the Lord my strength says:
I snall nide witn nahhan tomorrow! muanana!
yangster; t-one-d! says:
*lno* nahhan!!
yangster; t-one-d! says:
pihks
et- from the Lord my strength says:
lol we souhd like we nave a blocked hose!
et- from the Lord my strength says:
*cnoked pipe*
yangster; t-one-d! says:
nana! tnis is very fuh!
et- from the Lord my strength says:
yes! but nopefully I doh't really get a blocked hose or I drowh ahd die
yangster; t-one-d! says:
ennn! doh't ahynow say!
et- from the Lord my strength says:
on yarn norn. cnoi cnoi. lol you'll nave your 3km dasn ahd I'll nave my 100 metre dasn to tne toilet
et- from the Lord my strength says:
gggggggg wnat if we become dyslexic after tnis?
yangster; t-one-d! says:
we woht lan! dyslexics read nahhan as nahhan!
et- from the Lord my strength says:
really arn. but I still a bit scared. if hot very cohfused ahd start writihg my ns as hs and my hs as ns
et- from the Lord my strength says:
*ahd
et- from the Lord my strength says:
how I'm cohfused
yangster; t-one-d! says:
onmygoodhess this is fohcusing
et- from the Lord my strength says:
O.o I'm feelihg so lost how all your fault
yangster; t-one-d! says:
u started it lan! doht come ahd ahynow blame a rahdom 'scaped goat
yangster; t-one-d! says:
in case u diht get it, i meaht scape goat
et- from the Lord my strength says:
nanana on fihe

ihside joke. :D
and because i'm feeling both mean and honest,

[: jolene says:
talk rubbish
yangster; t-one-d! says:
i dont loh, i'm not anal retentive like elisa k
yangster; t-one-d! says:
she's full of crap
[: jolene says:
HAHAHA YESSSSS
[: jolene says:
agreed

van is officially the only person i can discuss music with in the team! :D cos this morning, out of the blue, A Little Respect/Wheatus sneak attacked me and got stuck in my head. unfortunately i couldn't recall the title of the song so i went around humming it to random people and they were all none the wiser.. until van came along. she recognised it and we went on to belt out the song with much gusto and angst :D andand she knows Breakfast at Tiffany's/Deep Blue Something (or Matchbox 20, if you prefer)! which is like my fave song 2432142947 years ago when i was in primary 5/6? :D along with Closing Time/Greenday, All Star/Smash Mouth &c.. ahh.. those simple days :]

I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart

'cause God is writing my love story

2007-02-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

i am temporarily swearing off sweet treats cos i've had sooo much chocolate today i am actually sick of that stuff!! (umm i did say sweet treats for a reason, u're still welcome to offer me dark chocolates and i will still gobble them up like i did to the bar tt the C-sters offered to the girls! :})

anyhow let me blog in point form cos i have to make this quick. (RAP, 'nuff said.)

lurrve is indeed in the air. yesterday when i was giving these 2 bpss girls tuition for cip, they showed me this list they've made of all the guys they crush and there're like 10 names on the list??!! *does a hannah, FAINTS* :D and they'd inked, proudly, in red zig, across the top of the paper, "<3s of our lives" :D WOW i wish i had their emotional honesty :D
i made vday cards for the canoobs and 1b! and for pea too! :D
the canoobs made roses and elisa baked cookies for the guys team!
the guys team treated us to SINFUL chocolate fondue and gave us little flower/fragrance/bottle thingies. the chocolate totally knocked me out, fell asleep (not kidding!!) while rowing and uh.. DID NOT cap. jo reported similar experience. elisa philosophised, "have u ever had a dream that was so real u thot it was reality? i'm experiencing the opposite of that now, i feel like i'm in a dream." HMMM deep thought of the day, indeed. voiced by the girl who had previously pigged out, and i DO mean PIGGED OUT, on chocolate fondue. i found the whole idea too absurd for words: uncivilised woman philosophising?? oooookayy.. did not attempt to point that observation out to her cos she might CLUB me to death or sth. and going to places with loud techno music and sweaty jerking bodies is just not my thing. it has the potential to mess up your mind to the point of no return if it were already wondering off to zzzland like mine was. it's ok if u dint understand that entire chunk of bs, i dont either. OK FESS UP, WHAT WAS IN THAT CHOCOLATE??? haha nah it was actually really sweet of them :) and ky sang Collide for shawna as a belated bday present. if someone sings me Love You Lately for my birthday i'd melt into a pile of goo.. but seeing that it's on the day of the finals for nationals, i think i'd melt anyway, song or no song, cos i'd better be so tired after giving my all i cant walk. :D
for the first time in my life, i got an ORANGE rose!!! yayyy!! loves jingyi <3<3
RAP sucks
RAP sucks
RAP sucks
RAP sucks
RAP sucks
RAP SUXXORRSS MY SOCKSOORRSS.

2007-02-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

just had a good chat with mr mah :D ever the ~~cynic~~ insightful mahster!

anyhoo, i did this yesternight:
ripped from elisa's blog :)

Bold those you've read. Italicize those you haven't finished. Underline those you own.
(& Oranged those that i loved/still love.)

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. 1984, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller <3!!
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corellis Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Sorcerers Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald <3!!
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Susskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones’s Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot (ahem yah i enjoyed this, so?)
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
101. Three Men In A Boat, Jerome K. Jerome
102. Small Gods, Terry Pratchett
103. The Beach, Alex Garland
104. Dracula, Bram Stoker
105. Point Blanc, Anthony Horowitz
106. The Pickwick Papers, Charles Dickens
107. Stormbreaker, Anthony Horowitz
108. The Wasp Factory, Iain Banks
109. The Day Of The Jackal, Frederick Forsyth
110. The Illustrated Mum, Jacqueline Wilson
111. Jude The Obscure, Thomas Hardy
112. The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole Aged 13 1/2, Sue Townsend
113. The Cruel Sea, Nicholas Monsarrat
114. Les Miserables, Victor Hugo (I have this in chinese! :D)
115. The Mayor Of Casterbridge, Thomas Hardy
116. The Dare Game, Jacqueline Wilson
117. Bad Girls, Jacqueline Wilson
118. The Picture Of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
119. Shogun, James Clavell
120. The Day Of The Triffids, John Wyndham
121. Lola Rose, Jacqueline Wilson
122. Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackeray
123. The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy
124. House Of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski
125. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
126. Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
127. Angus, Thongs And Full-Frontal Snogging, Louise Rennison
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
129. Possession, A. S. Byatt
130. The Master And Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov
131. The Handmaids Tale, Margaret Atwood
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
133. East Of Eden, John Steinbeck
134. Georges Marvellous Medicine, Roald Dahl
135. Wyrd Sisters, Terry Pratchett
136. The Color Purple, Alice Walker
137. Hogfather, Terry Pratchett
138. The Thirty-Nine Steps, John Buchan
139. Girls In Tears, Jacqueline Wilson
140. Sleepovers, Jacqueline Wilson
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
142. Behind The Scenes At The Museum, Kate Atkinson
143. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
144. It, Stephen King
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
146. The Green Mile, Stephen King
147. Papillon, Henri Charriere
148. Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett
149. Master And Commander, Patrick OBrian
150. Skeleton Key, Anthony Horowitz
151. Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
152. Thief Of Time, Terry Pratchett
153. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett
154. Atonement, Ian McEwan
155. Secrets, Jacqueline Wilson
156. The Silver Sword, Ian Serraillier
157. One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest, Ken Kesey
158. Heart Of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
159. Kim, Rudyard Kipling
160. Cross Stitch, Diana Gabaldon
161. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
162. River God, Wilbur Smith
163. Sunset Song, Lewis Grassic Gibbon
164. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
165. The World According To Garp, John Irving
166. Lorna Doone, R. D. Blackmore
167. Girls Out Late, Jacqueline Wilson
168. The Far Pavilions, M. M. Kaye
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlottes Web, E. B. White
171. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
172. They Used To Play On Grass, Terry Venables and Gordon Williams
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
174. The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco
175. Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder
176. Dustbin Baby, Jacqueline Wilson
177. Fantastic Mr. Fox, Roald Dahl
178. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
179. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, Richard Bach
180. The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupery
181. The Suitcase Kid, Jacqueline Wilson
182. Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens
183. The Power Of One, Bryce Courtenay
184. Silas Marner, George Eliot
185. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
186. The Diary Of A Nobody, George and Weedon Gross-mith
187. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
188. Goosebumps, R. L. Stine
189. Heidi, Johanna Spyri
190. Sons And Lovers, D. H. Lawrence
191. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera (THANKS ET!)
192. Man And Boy, Tony Parsons
193. The Truth, Terry Pratchett
194. The War Of The Worlds, H. G. Wells
195. The Horse Whisperer, Nicholas Evans
196. A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry
197. Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett
198. The Once And Future King, T. H. White
199. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
200. Flowers In The Attic, Virginia Andrews
201. The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien AHHHH
202. The Eye of the World, Robert Jordan
203. The Great Hunt, Robert Jordan
204. The Dragon Reborn, Robert Jordan
205. Fires of Heaven, Robert Jordan
206. Lord of Chaos, Robert Jordan
207. Winters Heart, Robert Jordan
208. A Crown of Swords, Robert Jordan
209. Crossroads of Twilight, Robert Jordan
210. A Path of Daggers, Robert Jordan
211. As Nature Made Him, John Colapinto
212. Microserfs, Douglas Coupland
213. The Married Man, Edmund White
214. Winters Tale, Mark Helprin
215. The History of Sexuality, Michel Foucault
216. Cry to Heaven, Anne Rice
217. Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe, John Boswell
218. Equus, Peter Shaffer
219. The Man Who Ate Everything, Jeffrey Steingarten
220. Letters To A Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
221. Ella Minnow Pea, Mark Dunn
222. The Vampire Lestat, Anne Rice
223. Anthem, Ayn Rand
224. The Bridge To Terabithia, Katherine Paterson
225. Tartuffe, Moliere
226. The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
227. The Crucible, Arthur Miller
228. The Trial, Franz Kafka
229. Oedipus Rex, Sophocles
230. Oedipus at Colonus, Sophocles
231. Death Be Not Proud, John Gunther
232. A Dolls House, Henrik Ibsen
233. Hedda Gabler, Henrik Ibsen
234. Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton
235. A Raisin In The Sun, Lorraine Hansberry
236. ALIVE!, Piers Paul Read
237. Grapefruit, Yoko Ono
238. Trickster Makes This World, Lewis Hyde
240. The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley
241. Chronicles of Thomas Convenant, Unbeliever, Stephen Donaldson
242. Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny
242. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
243. Summerland, Michael Chabon
244. A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole
245. Candide, Voltaire
246. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More, Roald Dahl
247. Ringworld, Larry Niven
248. The King Must Die, Mary Renault
249. Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein
250. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeline L’Engle
251. The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde
252. The House Of The Seven Gables, Nathaniel Hawthorne
253. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
254. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
255. The Great Gilly Hopkins, Katherine Paterson
256. Chocolate Fever, Robert Kimmel Smith
257. Xanth: The Quest for Magic, Piers Anthony
258. The Lost Princess of Oz, L. Frank Baum
259. Wonder Boys, Michael Chabon
260. Lost In A Good Book, Jasper Fforde
261. Well Of Lost Plots, Jasper Fforde
261. Life Of Pi, Yann Martel
263. The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver
264. A Yellow Raft In Blue Water, Michael Dorris
265. Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder
267. Where The Red Fern Grows, Wilson Rawls
268. Griffin & Sabine, Nick Bantock
269. Witch of Blackbird Pond, Joyce Friedland
270. Mrs. Frisby And The Rats Of NIMH, Robert C. O’Brien
271. Tuck Everlasting, Natalie Babbitt
272. The Cay, Theodore Taylor
273. From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, E.L. Konigsburg
274. The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster
275. The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin
276. The Kitchen God's Wife, Amy Tan
277. The Bone Setters Daughter, Amy Tan
278. Relic, Duglas Preston & Lincolon Child
279. Wicked, Gregory Maguire
280. American Gods, Neil Gaiman
281. Misty of Chincoteague, Marguerite Henry
282. The Girl Next Door, Jack Ketchum
283. Haunted, Judith St. George
284. Singularity, William Sleator
285. A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson
286. Different Seasons, Stephen King
287. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
288. About a Boy, Nick Hornby
289. The Bookmans Wake, John Dunning
290. The Church of Dead Girls, Stephen Dobyns
291. Illusions, Richard Bach
292. Magics Pawn, Mercedes Lackey
293. Magics Promise, Mercedes Lackey
294. Magics Price, Mercedes Lackey
295. The Dancing Wu Li Masters, Gary Zukav
296. Spirits of Flux and Anchor, Jack L. Chalker
297. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
298. The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, Brenda Love
299. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace
300. The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison
301. The Cider House Rules, John Irving
302. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
303. Girlfriend in a Coma, Douglas Coupland
304. The Lions Game, Nelson Demille
305. The Sun, The Moon, and the Stars, Stephen Brust
306. Cyteen, C. J. Cherryh
307. Foucaults Pendulum, Umberto Eco
308. Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson
309. Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
310. Camber of Culdi, Kathryn Kurtz
311. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
312. War and Rememberance, Herman Wouk
313. The Art of War, Sun Tzu
314. The Giver, Lois Lowry
315. The Telling, Ursula Le Guin
316. Xenogenesis (or Liliths Brood), Octavia Butler
317. A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold
318. The Curse of Chalion, Lois McMaster Bujold
319. The Aeneid, Publius Vergilius Maro (Vergil)
320. Hanta Yo, Ruth Beebe Hill
321. The Princess Bride, S. Morganstern (or William Goldman)
322. Beowulf, Anonymous
323. The Sparrow, Maria Doria Russell
324. Deerskin, Robin McKinley (urgh creepy book.)
325. Dragonsong, Anne McCaffrey
326. Passage, Connie Willis
327. Otherland, Tad Williams
328. Tigana, Guy Gavriel Kay
329. Number the Stars, Lois Lowry
330. Beloved, Toni Morrison
331. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christs Childhood Pal, Christopher Moore
332. The mysterious disappearance of Leon, I mean Noel, Ellen Raskin
333. Summer Sisters, Judy Blume
334. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Victor Hugo
335. The Island on Bird Street, URI Orlev
336. Midnight in the Dollhouse, Marjorie Filley Stover
337. The Miracle Worker, William Gibson
338. The Genesis Code, John Case
339. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevensen
340. Paradise Lost, John Milton
341. Phantom, Susan Kay
342. The Mummy or Ramses the Damned, Anne Rice
343. Anno Dracula, Kim Newman
344: The Dresden Files: Grave Peril, Jim Butcher
345: Tokyo Suckerpunch, Issac Adamson
346: The Winter of Magics Return, Pamela Service
347: The Oddkins, Dean R. Koontz
348. My Name is Asher Lev, Chaim Potok
349. The Last Goodbye, Raymond Chandler
350. At Swim, Two Boys, Jaime ONeill
351. Othello, by William Shakespeare
352. The Collected Poems of Dylan Thomas
353. The Collected Poems of William Butler Yeats
354. Sati, Christopher Pike
355. The Inferno, Dante
356. The Apology, Plato
357. The Small Rain, Madeline L’Engle
358. The Man Who Tasted Shapes, Richard E Cytowick
359. 5 Novels, Daniel Pinkwater
360. The Sevenwaters Trilogy, Juliet Marillier
361. Girl with a Pearl Earring, Tracy Chevalier
362. To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
363. Our Town, Thorton Wilder
364. Green Grass Running Water, Thomas King
335. The Interpreter, Suzanne Glass
336. The Moors Last Sigh, Salman Rushdie
337. The Mother Tongue, Bill Bryson
338. A Passage to India, E.M. Forster
339. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
340. The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
341. Pages for You, Sylvia Brownrigg
342. The Changeover, Margaret Mahy
343. Howl's Moving Castle, Diana Wynne Jones
344. Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
345. Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo
346. Shosha, Isaac Bashevis Singer
347. Travels With Charley, John Steinbeck
348. The Diving-bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
349. The Lunatic at Large by J. Storer Clouston
350. Time for Bed by David Baddiel
351. Barrayar by Lois McMaster Bujold
352. Quite Ugly One Morning by Christopher Brookmyre
353. The Bloody Sun by Marion Zimmer Bradley
354. Sewer, Gas, and Eletric by Matt Ruff
355. Jhereg by Steven Brust
356. So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane
357. Perdido Street Station, China Mieville
358. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Anne Bronte
359. Road-side Dog, Czeslaw Milosz
360. The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje
361. Neuromancer, William Gibson
362. The Epistemology of the Closet, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
363. A Canticle for Liebowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr
364. The Mask of Apollo, Mary Renault
365. The Gunslinger, Stephen King
366. Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
367. Childhood's End, Arthur C. Clarke
368. A Season of Mists, Neil Gaiman
369. Ivanhoe, Walter Scott
370. The God Boy, Ian Cross
371. The Beekeeper's Apprentice, Laurie R. King
372. Finn Family Moomintroll, Tove Jansson
373. Misery, Stephen King
374. Tipping the Velvet, Sarah Waters
375. Hood, Emma Donoghue
376. The Land of Spices, Kate O’Brien
377. The Diary of Anne Frank
378. Regeneration, Pat Barker
379. Tender is the Night, F. Scott Fitzgerald
380. Dreaming in Cuban, Cristina Garcia
381. A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway
382. The View from Saturday, E.L. Konigsburg
383. Dealing with Dragons, Patricia Wrede
384. Eats, Shoots & Leaves, Lynne Truss
385. A Severed Wasp - Madeleine LEngle
386. Here Be Dragons - Sharon Kay Penman
387. The Mabinogion (Ancient Welsh Tales) - translated by Lady Charlotte E. Guest
388. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
389. Desire of the Everlasting Hills - Thomas Cahill
390. The Cloister Walk - Kathleen Norris
391. The Things We Carried, Tim O’Brien
392. I Know This Much Is True, Wally Lamb
393. Choke, Chuck Palahniuk
394. Enders Shadow, Orson Scott Card
395. The Memory of Earth, Orson Scott Card
396. The Iron Tower, Dennis L. McKiernen
397. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
398. A Ring of Endless Light, Madeline L’Engle
399. Lords of Discipline, Pat Conroy
400. Hyperion, Dan Simmons
401. If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things, Jon McGregor
402. The Bridge, Iain Banks
403. How to Be Good, Nick Hornby
404. The Stone Diaries, Carol Shields
405. A Map of the World, Jane Hamilton
406. Eragon, Christopher Paolini
407. A Series of Unfortunate Events, Lemony Snicket
408. I'm a Stranger Here Myself, Bill Bryson
409. The Neverending Story, Michael Ende
410. The Shining, Stephen King
411. The Alien Chronicles, Deborah Chester
412. Redwall, Brian Jacques
413. Mossflower, Brian Jacques
414. The Iliad, Homer
415. Don Quixote, Miguel de Cervantes
416. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain
417. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain
418. The Odyessy, Homer

just to make this list more complete, 2 more books that i love:
419. Closing Time, Joseph Heller
420. The Last Tycoon, F. Scott Fitzgerald

___

still torn.. should i go trim my hair? or should i keep it for that french braid that i miss? hmm.

and i'm pointedly not blogging about a certain tchr who has gained much disrespect from the bi-cultural scholars. hurumph. that.. POSH, she's messed up my revision schedule!! :C

sway my way

2007-02-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

more malapropisms! (courtesy of mr p.)
"heat is transferred by conviction."
"they slept in houses that had no beds, and there were rough mating on the floor."

:D
but my favourite is still "she suffered from unrequired love." :}

retail therapy with mummy today! apparently she felt guilty for having gone cny shopping at orchard with just dad during his lunch break.. :D i cant believe she got me pink stuff! (>.<) pink nike shirt pink nike canvas shoes pink ahem sports bra. wahler?? haha at least i managed some damage control when i went out with her.. now i've got nice orange socks and tartan shorts amongst other stuff that i actually want! yayy! :)

love of the loveless

2007-02-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

elisa, no prizes for guessing where that came from! :}

yayyy! happy training day!!:) it helps to sing Afterglow/INXS as you row, haha!

and thank you thank you thank you Lord! <3

be strong, ray! i wont be so presumptuous as to say i know exactly how u felt today but i think i'd come close to that before. this too shall pass, aiight? it's just the exhaustion, and u're only human, so it's all natural! anyhoo, ur strokes dont suck! they pull! seriously, it's improved tremendously :)
chin up k? rmb, chocolate quota up to 5 packets this week, doubleplusgood or what? compared to our rations before, it's a tripleplusplenty! :)

twelve; we're ourselves.

2007-02-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

first canoob birthday of the year! ready, steady yourself for an onslaught of
PIIINNNKK!! and hannah. >.<

her birthday card, halfway done :)
11 hearts! and that is so not my vectors revision languishing beneath the card :}
the celebration itself was a Hannah Scream Fest. :D and i loved loved loved the cake elisa baked! so sweet!! ;) i think the sugar high helped tide everyone thru monster sets later :}

one year ago, we took this picture:

a year later, we're back at the same spot in the canteen (i think) and look at us now!
same same (ray still looking in some other direction, hannah's chicken tail still intact, jolene's eyes still very small, &c) but different (i cut my hair, no funny guy behind scratching his head, jolene's bottle is there but not in the pic, THE SIZE OF OUR ARMS!!)
haha!

Here I am,
Lost in the ashes of time,
But who wants tomorrow.

adversity, we get around it

2007-02-04T13:43:00.000+08:00

allowing myself a tiny break after working all morning. feels good to strike things off a list and know that u're on task. :)

aiight just keep moving and i'll be fine. she will have NO reason to make me drop canoeing. 2 months later i'll look back on the night i cried and pleaded like a baby and laugh at the absurdity of it all. did i really think i am alone in this? how silly of me.

i welcome any challenges :)
12:05 huh? i'll give you 11:30. just watch.

ELISA!! you've got me hooked on Afterglow/INXS!

Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses

Drop all I have and go with You

2007-02-03T19:44:00.000+08:00

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you.

i've fallen in love with running all over again :) 10.8k! have decided the best time to run is in the early morning before school starts. it's like a time of worship; pick a song and sing it as you go.. if you find the idea of running round and round on a rubber track boring, look up! there's the moon, the clouds, the silhouettes of the trees.. bliss.

yes it's time to drop all my worries and cares and walk away from it all with God.
this is my Great Escape.

humans party now, i hope everyone has a good time :)

love is the movement

2007-02-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

looking back at yesterday.. it was a rupture waiting to happen. the urges to rebel, the frustration, the exhaustion, the disappointment.. i couldn't keep it together any longer. and physical pain was just the last spadeful of coal that sent the flames blazing.

but i've got to sweep up the pieces and keep going. a deal's a deal, i'm not going to give in without a good fight. and hopefully, at the end of the day, she'll be able to see it's been God's love at work.

i never thought it'll be this tough.

everything

2007-02-01T21:25:00.000+08:00

there was no excuse for my behaviour at training today. particularly the swearing. i am disappointed in myself but i know i have disappointed God more. i am sorry. when i was too tired to bear the weight of the burden, i forgot about how much broader Your shoulders are. when i was disappointed at how weak i've become, i forgot about drawing on Your strength. when i was dwelling in self-pity, You waited patiently for me to pick myself up from the floor where i was lying, to run into Your waiting arms.
You have been everything and faithful to me.. Thank You.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

and i see you standing there
wanting more from me
all i can do is
try

'Cause there're a thousand lights that'll make you feel brand new

2007-01-30T22:00:00.000+08:00

if anyone has this song (Love You Lately/Daniel Powter) pris pris prish send it to me! i'm too chickin'shid to limewire anything, haha! don't wanna wreck my baby, not until i've made the recovery disc anyways.. and uh, of course downloading is baaaaaad for your health. as we all know :}

and i'll let you in on a secret in exchange: ancient chinese poets have nothing better to do than getting themselves drunk and ahem, whining (PUN PUN PUN!! yayy this is FUN! >.<) too bad they dint have cheese back then. hmmm.

as you can tell, i'm on a high! i wonder why!
maybe i've had too much junk food --dark chocolates, ice cream with gummy bits, japanese black bean jelly with flecks of gold-leaf (O_O)
or maybe i'm tired of being angsty.

..yeah that could be it.

anyhows, tutored some BPSS kids this afternoon for cip! woots sooo cutes! haha but it's kinda sad, cos you can see how some of them are already becoming jaded :C it's not time yet.. and some have probably been told they're wrong so many times they've lost their confidence. ayeee.

will you just check out this Guster video! i couldn't help grinning at about 00:46 :}

Here in the present tense
Nothing's making sense

2007-01-28T20:21:00.000+08:00

Let Go and Let God
As children bring their broken toys,
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
Because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
With ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back again
And cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
Anonymous

just spent the afternoon looking through information on majors and universities at collegeboard.com :) i've decided i might as well take a leap of faith and have my SATs scores sent to

Cornell University
University of Pennsylvania
New York University
University of Southern California

only 2 from the ivy league :D 'cause it's really more about whether the schools offer the majors i'm interested in.. not that i'm confident i'm going to do well, in fact i probably wont do so well for the writing component (couldn't finish my essay! just one more sentence..GAH) but all the same, i'm going to leave it to God :)

mr b's PC pwned, chinese and math next :}

saturnine

2007-01-28T01:20:00.000+08:00

ok good riddance to gp paper 2 and econs essay (both of which were done horribly :{ how do you concentrate with a stomachache -- speaking of which i really need to find out the cause! is it the coffee? gah.) AND SATs! unfortunately i only have good feelings about the last item there. but it's considerably the most important of all three so AIYAH WHATEVER LAH!
anyhow, it ain't over till sunday's over. because i've got to work on math and chinese OH WHAT A SURPRISE!

no need to ask if i'd like some cheese with my whine, i'm cheesy enough myself :}

2007-01-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

ahh i'm so tired i dont know how i survived today
woke up with horrible stomachache and mum tried to make me stay home but i cant it's the day in the week when i have lessons for every single subject i take ok except pe but there's training so same difference thank god for the 1hour nap during chinese lit ehh we were watching a stupid video so its ok besides i was semiconscious enough to wake up and take notes at the more important parts
i cant wait for the microwave to beep and tell me my meal's ready
i am so sleepy javine u're right i need more sleep and while i'm at it i might as well confess i had a cup of coffee yesterday i'm sorry i know you dont wanna see me die of a heart attack
in school and at training i had no idea what i was doing and saying half the time
but its ok i made people laugh thanks peeps yawl made me feel awfully useful
ok the microwave has done its job i am going to stuff my face
bye i know it's been a horrigible time trying to read this crap :}

[edit]
ohoh and jiaolian let me try a bracsa VII today! very very light i felt like i was air-paddling just close your eyes but not for too long else you whack the paddle into the ground like i did thank god jiaolian was feeling uh generous and so i dint get told off ahhh so many things to do there's econs essay test math quiz and gp paper 2 tmr SATs on saturday omggxx my brain is saturated humanz party next saturday my mum is still refusing to let me go i am beginning to suspect she has a neck problem because she cant ever seem to nod only shakes her head i'm hoping my class wont think i'm misanthropic

..and i remember this dream. i think i did actually dream it, i'm not so sure, but if i didn't how'd i recall it right? i dreamt that God held me in His arms, i don't remember exactly what was in my dream but i knew He was there. and i knew i felt very happy. so very happy :)
[/edit]

bear hug!

2007-01-23T20:43:00.000+08:00

(on se console toujours)

God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,
rest for the labour, light for the way,
grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love.
Kristone

don't mooch around!

2007-01-22T21:03:00.000+08:00

"why are you wearing a paper bag on your head?"
"i want to be alone for awhile."

GRASS. ok maybe not, but still, RAHHH. all this mugging is getting to me and making me angsty! not good. if i get more chinese homework i am really going to .. uh.. WAHLER!! i CAN'T do anything about it! *sulks*

maybe i'll go around shaking my fists behind my chinese teachers' backs.
yeah, that will give me loads of satisfaction. :}

"Hein? Tu es toujours là? Cinq cent un million de… je ne sais plus… J'ai tellement de travail! Je suis sérieux, moi, je ne m'amuse pas à des balivernes! Deux et cinq sept…"

Le Petit Prince Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

My Rest

2007-01-20T21:11:00.000+08:00

my soul finds rest in You my Jesus
my hiding place amid the storm
in pastures green, You lead me down to lie
by waters still, i shall abide
by waters still, i shall abide

i shall not fear in times uncertain
i shall not look to my own strength
into your hands i place my hopes and plans
my trust is in the blood of the Lamb
my trust is in the blood of the Lamb

a crown of thorns pierced through Your temple
the blood that flowed took all my cares
what price You paid, what sacrifice You made
my life in Yours, Jesus my rest
my life in Yours, Jesus my rest.

thankyou manda for the cd :)

i love rowing in the rain. it sounds almost maniacal but when i was rowing in the rain today i had a grin on my face :) sure, the pelting raindrops stung, but i felt in control --for the first time this week-- and i knew i was safe because God was watching over me.
strike that, God is, and always will be, watching over me.
it's hard to remember every one of the huginormous amount of words i'm trying to cramp into my miniscule brain for SATs, but that shouldn't be too tough.. :)

Speed, Power and Grace. His Grace, that is.

Your way, always.

you're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today

2007-01-19T00:02:00.000+08:00

thanks jave :)

on one hand, i'm glad i'm back.
on the other, i see calluses and bruises and dried tears.

I carry a madness
Everywhere I go
Over the border
and back to the snow

So if you see me
and I look right through
You shouldn't take it
as a reflection on you

what tormented heart? :D

2007-01-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

on one hand,

on the other hand,

with thus in conclusion:

2007-01-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

these few days have been somewhat crazy. i've had so much work to do and i'm not seeing the end of it yet (maybe i won't! what a horrifying thought..) :S been doing my chinese remedial homework during breaks to maximise time, and i dare say i am very proud of myself for staying on task almost all of the time this past week. the only exception being falling asleep on my math tutorial on wednesday cos i was so so so tired :} more work to be done over the weekend; i've got 2 more essay outlines to do for chinese remedial, one chinese compo, one chinese compre, plot outline & analysis for the first chapter of Fox Volant of the Snowy Mountain, A&C essay (i really should have done it during the hols.. nvm, what's, uh, undone cannot be, uh, undone..), finish up vectors tutorial 11A1, all in addition to trying to find time for SAT prep. the chinese homeworks are the absolute killers cos my teachers only assigned them in the past couple of days but we're expected to hand them in by next week, the earliest deadline being wednesday!

ayyyeee. well at least amusing things have been happening so my life hasn't been dry.. like siauxi's decided she likes to go around calling me "cute little girl", and jave's decided that the dimples that form on my shoulders when they're flexed are sexy (-.-) i have no idea what i am now, perhaps i'm not a girl, not yet a woman? :}

ohoh! and cca feste! we had this "Who is (insert random canoeist's name here)?" thing going on for our campaign. for cheR's sake i'll try to post a picture of the posters sometime cos u're prolly the only non-canoob to visit here :) anyways, ray told me today she saw a guy "clutching [my] poster possessively" AYYYEEE!! jingyi's kindly told me the name of the guy so i am pretty miffed now cos i dont know him personally and am quite sure i've never offended him.. i hope my silhouette hasn't had to endure pen/knife stabbings and that it isn't presently lying in a mangled heap in some garbage heap.. poor me. haha!

anyways, it's pouring again. i really hope water tmr wont be cancelled.. i wanna rowww!!
for future reference, let me record what happened at the last trng:

jiaolian, “你已经回来得差不多了，应该有80%这样。”
me,“yayy! 再给我一个星期”:)

and the rest of the stuff he said are going to be buried deep within my memories, to be extracted again when the going gets tough :) cos i dont think it's time to be satisfied with the status quo yet.

some dreams live on in time forever,
those dreams you want with all your heart.
and i'll do whatever it takes,
follow through with the promise i made,
put it all on the line,
what i hope for at last will be mine.

i love our team.

dare to dream, babes. not being able to realise our dreams-- that's not our deepest fear. our deepest fear is the regret that comes from knowing we havent tried, that we were afraid to give ourselves the chance to be great.

half a year from this date. you know what would be a totally awesome birthday present? seeing satisfied smiles all around me after our races. that's enough :)

"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."

--Doug Larson

2007-01-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

my study table :) rmb, yellow helps you to concentrate! haha. aiight. i shall emerge vectorious in my struggle against vectors. oops. i meant victorious.
anyways, song of the moment, to blast in the background when u're doing math:

I am sentimental
But you dont know me at all

2007-01-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

dear God, i'm so tired. i hate letting people down and i hate not being able to make her understand.
i just pray that after all these, i may have some peace. that's all.
please?

2007-01-07T18:20:00.000+08:00

making collages in photoshop is a great way to vent.

in the meanwhile,

freddo says frog juice is good for you and gives it a thumbs-up.

and that thumbs up extends to our PoP ventures! ripped from elisa's blog, comments added:

But Yang my darling never fails to cheer me up! :D We accidentally bashed heads, and her forehead hurt like crap, causing her to say to me accusingly, "Headstrong!" LOL I think I really am, 'cos the middle of her forehead had this huge red patch (which looked so uber hilarious I couldn't stop laughing), and I replied, "You are RASH!" xD

Vandelisa for the win!!! XDXDXD

Then during training, we were being stupid playing with this coconut stuck in the drain. XD When it started raining in earnest, I put it at the drain where water could flow in, and then went, "Tian ling ling, di ling ling!" in parody of the TEAPOT CULT (z'ohmycrap lollll *lho*) and emptied the muddy coconut water on the ground, not realising Ray was lying right beside me on the bench. HAHA. Java was horrified, to say the least, and apparently I looked very amusing whyyyy. T___T

Today was super wet right, so of course 'twas very slippery! Yang tripped over something and went, "Ahh I slipperied!"--actually i said "i'm slippering off the bench!" lah! O_o So I followed her example and when I almost fell, I said, "Eeek I almost slippered!"

Courtesy of Yang, pundit of pun no. 1: What knot is never tight? A slipknot.
Courtesy of me, pundit of pun no. 2: What animal always falls down? The slipper lobster. But that's only if your grammar is as bad as Yang's. xD --thanks ah et, you be not anywheres betters.

HEE then I told Yang that I'd pass her a slip of paper, 'cos I'd "give you the slip." *lho* Okay, I think you all are dying of our lameness.

Oh wait, we're not done. I kept giggling to myself 'cos I thought about Lim Bo Seng. xD What happens when you run to the Lim Bo Seng memorial and lose your way? You'll be lost in limbo!

Okay last bits. In the toilet, Yang said "headstrong" sounds like the "Live Strong" bands. I replied, "Heyy, Armstrong! We're all armstrong!" and to test it out, "Yang Armstrong." Now it occurs to me, Yang Armstrong must've been very handsome. Get the pun? xD And Van happily told me, "You are FOREARMstrong!" O______o

PWNAGE TO THE MAX.

Fear us. =D

yesss. we are your greatest fear.

2007-01-04T21:00:00.000+08:00

whoots school's been great, but i'm eating too much blearghs.. having a 7-11 within the school compounds doesn't help especially when i can conveniently pop by to purchase a packet of Hershey's dark chocolate that i can consume in like 20mins (btw just to amuse elisa, who is fascinated with this kinda thing, it's 12g of fats and only 2g of protein!). that i ate today in addition to one bowl of Quakers oatmeal for breakfast, 6 nuggets (not at one go, i wasn't that ravenous, haha), one bergedil, 2 packets of papadum (is that how you spell it?), some doughy thing also from the vegetarian stall and one cup of red apple-orange juice. oh yes, and 2 bananas! it's bananas and it's all jiaolian's fault. he said the funniest thing yesterday, "why is it that you look so much thinner than before? not enough food? not enough sleep? too much pressure?" bah! i think canoeists are the only people to take offence whenever some one comments on their loss of body mass, haha!

humph. i gotta go do math now (yes, i am determined to be a good student. in fact i am so proud of myself now because i'm the only student out of 20 who has handed in her chinese lit homework! woots! take that mr l*m!). i foresee that there wont be much time for me to come online in the days to come so i'll leave you with 2 thousand words now to tide you over :}

what can i say, i had fun packing up my magazines.. :D

2007-01-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

heehee, i'll try chers, i'll try! :D but seriously i am a good student, yes? :)
and we shared another milestone yesterday: it was the second time we chatted on msn! (yes, i'm back amongst the living, cheers!) and we had a good time talking about stuff.. dramatic stuff ;P btw, i received ur letter! lol, Gid Jnr. actually has RJC03 spraypainted on it but nice try anyhow! :D and the name's spelt with an 'i' my dear, it doesnt really sound like that thing u spread on ur toast :}

anyway, school starts tmr! am i excited or what?? i've got my room all tidied up and set to last me till december! ;D something like that..

before i go, hope yawl caught the rainbow (make that DOUBLE RAINBOW) yesterday afternoon! if not, i took pictures!

the second one is to its left, it's very faint so you have to squint to see it.. but heyy now we are doubly sure we'e off to a great year ahead! :)

God said to Noah, "...I have set My rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember My covenant between Me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all
living creatures of every kind on the earth."

In this way, I believe He is telling us now, "I will not forsake you. I will be with you every step of the way - I will not leave you to die. I have given you a future and you are always in My heart."

amen, elisa, amen! :)
my dad's coming back tomorrow! yayyy! i sorta miss him.. haha. tho that means i've gotta give up my snuggly place beside mummy on their big bouncy bed :{ ayyyee! i hope he's done some shopping! :P

ps/ like what i tagged in reply to et, here's what i intended to snap before i saw the rainbow:

and i just got more links to photos from the bicultural trip! haha.. lots of shots of people, mine are more of architecture &c..

see how red my face was? i was freeeeezing!! vasodilation's the word, right? mr and_ew "zarp!" chia should be so proud :)

2007-01-01T14:06:00.000+08:00

haha these guys are seriously messed up!
..and hilarious :D

2006-12-31T22:40:00.000+08:00

lunchbox comic

so gather up your jackets, move it to the exits, i hope you have found a friend.
closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

2006-12-30T10:38:00.000+08:00

Quiz found here.
Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
The seriousness of your love: You have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. --RIGHHT.
Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. -- yeah, i'd love to land a job at Leo Burnett! :)
How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

i wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it

2006-12-30T00:34:00.000+08:00

just came back from one-bees' gathering at ky's :) i happen to know a lot of people who stay at laguna park, aunt rita's family, xinmiao and now ky. and aunt yvonne used to stay at fernwood just down the road.. hmm, i wouldn't mind living in east coast myself, with the beach and the seafood restaurants so nearby and all :} anyways, we had potluck and bbq.. i cant seem to get the smell of smoke out of my hair! haha. but it was rather relaxing just standing there so near the heat and flipping (or stabbing at, it depends) the chicken wings, occassionally tuning in to the mega-suaning session that went on and on between rebecca and jingsong.. :D entertainment of the most intellectual kind. and i bet we are the only bunch of people who stand around at a party and discuss (or debate over, if you pls) 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale. (>.<) twas good fun nevertheless, and the exchanging of gifts went hilariously :D i WONDER what siaurui got!!!! ROFL!!! and yah, it can only get better, so here's to attempt-to-integrate #267432986765929!!!! :}

so then i came home and had a session of my-favourite-thing-to-do-in-the-shower: think, like really think, like deep-thought-of-the-day-think. :) when the sprinkler's on and you're sitting on the floor and the water's splashing on your head and shoulders, you cant hear anything but your own thoughts.. and i thought about this past yr.

i think i've really grown as a person this year. and i know you've probably read this in a thousand other places but i don't care. i'm being honest and this is the only time i've ever realised the change in me. emotionally, mentally and spiritually. but i think it's emotionally most of all because i've felt for so many people and things this year. fear, happiness, loneliness, love, anger.. i've learnt to worry for my parents, i've learnt not to readily accept all the best dishes at dinner simply because they've told me i can have it or i must have it. i've learnt to share. i've learnt to fear mortality, and i've tried to picture what eternal life must be like, and failed, and learnt to just accept it all. i've learnt to protect myself from potential hurt. i've learnt to block negative remarks out. i've learnt that i'm made of tougher stuff than i thought i was. i've learnt to open up to some people, somewhat, and yet somehow, i've also become more shy around others..

it's been.. a challenging year. but even if i could, i wouldn't have wanted to go back to the beginning of it and chose to take another path. that's something i've developed this year too, the will to move on from many things, many hurtful things, and not dwell on them.

"I'll go anywhere as long as it's forward."

-- David Livingstone

i've made many decisions that i know will have a meaningful impact on my life henceforth. deciding to go into the humanities was one, but most importantly of all, the decision to stay on in canoeing. it's being a tough but exhilarating ride. and i'm really thankful to God for being my Rock throughout, my RJC47 life-jacket if you will, with leukoplast taped round the shoulder straps, leukoplast i'd taped on with trembling hands during nationals..

i know this may be sort of a digression but i'm going to explain why i've named that pale green sji boat Gideon: First of all, Gideon is a mighty warrior. His story can be found in Judges 6-8 in the Bible. It's a story about learning to trust God even when you feel inadequate, obeying Him even when you don't understand His plan, experiencing the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and keeping focus even when distractions come. It's the story of a man who transformed from a "very nua person" (in shawna's words) to a mighty warrior who left behind a legacy, simply because he believed. i decided to name the boat Gideon sometime after NWKC, and it's been the perfect reminder to me. Gideon's story is what kept me afloat through july and august. that's why i hate to hear people say they're going down. in Christ, we go from glory to glory, it's never "it's all downhill from here". what's a traipse into the valleys when you know that after you've scaled that mountain up ahead, you'll be at the top of the world?
..then i changed boats, not because i no longer believed in the spirit of Gideon, but because i didn't want myself to be restricted, and even to some degree, superstitious. it's Gideon's story that i should remember, if you get my drift, not what rowing in Gideon helps me achieve.

yup. there you go, get to know Gideon yourself :)

so back to this year.. my relationshp with my parents has been.. i dare say better. we've been thru a lot together after my mum's operation last year. that episode has made it necessary for us to communicate. we understand each other more, especially my dad and i, and sometimes we joke around, but not as much as i do with my friends. we're rather chinese in this aspect. but i know that in the past year, i've made them worry for me more too. and i try, goodness i try so hard to understand and accept the stuff they do because they're worried, but most of the time, i can't help feeling like a caged song bird that's got to earn its feed.. but when things get tough, i know i can always turn to God. and nothing has a better calming effect than reading the Bible. and He's taught me many ways to deal with my parents and brought comfort to my battered heart :)

whew, what a looooong post. whatever it is, suffice to say i'm more mature now. not matured, but more mature. i've still got that irritable streak of stubborness in me that i stubbornly hold on to, and there're many affairs of the heart, so to speak, that i could still use some guidance in..

..but i'm ready for 2007. as they say, come what may, and i add, The Lord Is With You, Mighty Warrior.

:) and because you've stuck with me throughout, i'd like to share with you my favourite song of the moment:

no special meaning to that song, i just like the sound of it. haha!

2006-12-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

You scored as HR/BusinessManagement. You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Human Resources Management or Business Management, or related majors (e.g., Entrepreneurship, Hospitality, International Business, Leadership, Public Administration, Industrial-Organizational (I-O) Psychology).

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Excellent minors for HR/Business majors include: Psychology, Sociology, or other areas of business like Economics, Finance, or Marketing. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

HR/BusinessManagement

94%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

81%

Education/Counseling

81%

English/Journalism/Comm

81%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

81%

Religion/Theology

75%

Visual&PerformingArts

69%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

63%

Psychology/Sociology

63%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

63%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

38%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

19%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

13%

Mathematics/Statistics

13%

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
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not quite unexpected :)